Dear god,
Ummm. i went church last sunday. again. after about eons of not attending.
Nothing's changed. I still feel out of place... In most ways i feel that i shouldn't be there. I'm not worthy in fact. I've done a lot of things i'm not proud of. Things that aren't exactly typical of catholic life. Selfish, manipulative and immoral things. And to go church and listen to them tell you how you should be a living example of christ... sorry. i can't be that. not even close. not by a long shot.
How is it even possible anyway. christ was god, that why he could do it. we're not, unfortunately. Sin is part of our daily lives, whether we want to deny it or not. Thoughts that run through your head, themselves are sins as well. And how is it possible for one to control one's thoughts? Because in denying a thought you are thinking it as well? Nevermind. this isn't the point.
Anyway, yeah thats why i don't really like to profess myself to be catholic. Or rather i dare not. The expectations that come with it are so high. Expectations i know i cannot and never will live up to. I don't want people to think i'm a hypocrite, proudly proclaiming to be christian while behaving rather questionably.

I am not worthy to receive you.