It is indeed regrettable. An abhorrent act actually.
But truthfully. It is enough that a person should reject another that she has been giving false signals to. That at least can be attributed to confusion. Or an insecure mind. Either of which may only be human.
But to deny it as though it were totally non-existent. To attempt at self-vindication AND to progress on to other unwitting prey. That is downright irresponsible, and smacks strongly of hypocrisy.
It is indeed regrettable.

Do forgive the holier-than-thou tone of this entry. Its one of my mechanisms to express displeasure though. the other is inarticulate bitching.

tonite's a pissed offf nite. i dun really care wtf abt my rships. but i hate to c ppl mistreating my frens. when you fucking jack my fren off for another guy. bloody hell not lyk she's damn chio or aniting. wth does he wan her for. tmd. now he's sad over the whole thing n arghhh. somemore keep denying it when i ask her. haha i dun care wth she does now at ALL. but why go play arnd wif my fren. wat a bitch. tim agreesss tooooo.
firstly go tok shit abt me to everybody. nvm its me, so i dun care. but YOU dun go hurt MY fren's feelings. you cockshit. i wasss blinddd but nvmmmm. stillll go tok shit to everybody. nb

tonite's a pissed offf nite. i dun really care wtf abt my rships. but i hate to c ppl mistreating my frens. when you fucking jack my fren off for another guy. bloody hell not lyk she's damn chio or aniting. wth does he wan her for. tmd. now he's sad over the whole thing n arghhh. somemore keep denying it when i ask her. haha i dun care wth she does now at ALL. but why go play arnd wif my fren. wat a bitch. tim agreesss tooooo.
firstly go tok shit abt me to everybody. nvm its me, so i dun care. but YOU dun go hurt MY fren's feelings. you cockshit. i wasss blinddd but nvmmmm. stillll go tok shit to everybody. nb

haha me n tim finally break even selling shirts...ttz if no one backs out tmr. not bad man. we had abt 4k of capital. we cleared everything. even though we didn't earn our projected profit of abt 2k, i suppose when we do clear everything it'll be arnd 1.5k la. which isn't too bad for wat we've been doing. after all i get many free stuff too. n learn lots of logistics shit. altho tim's a uselesss bummer hahahha. nah .
bio's a bitch. farking thick
Enzyme Helicase unwinds the DNA chain. Single Strand binding protein then stabilizes it, holding it apart for replication to take place. RNA Primase then works on the DNA template, synthesizing a RNA primer, which DNA polymerase III then lenghtens by adding free nucleotides to the chain in the 5 - 3 direction( of the new strand). DNA polymerase I then replaces the RNA in the RNA primer with DNA. Okazzaki fragments are formed and are joined together by DNA Ligase in the antiparallel strand.
haha powerful mugging today. thx thx

Aha it struck me that the last post looked like a poem.
*shrug*. Its just accidental.

Anyway really. All this unwonted attention is really your fault changwen. If you hadn't been advertising yourself on the back of every bus 100 going something about "small dick but very experienced call ********" I swear you wouldn't have had so many opportunities to divert gays towards me.

Grrsh. Studying not going well. As of today.
History - Zero. Zilch. Nil. This is a confirm C.
Econs - Why did Oli not go JC? Cos Oligopoly! Aha. Courtesy of Tiff/Clara.
Maths - Differentiation, Complex Numbers (A+B). Half Trigo (A)
Lit - Still not finished Silas Marner. Zero Othello.

Holy shit. And here I am hoping for a Lit S. SHIT.

yawn promos are coming. this sucks. haha thanks to chee, tim n a grp of other assholes, i've spent 4 hours a day for the past 2 weeks DOTAing. incase ppl duno wtf tt means, it means spending your precious time in front of a shitpile computer playing wc3. damn but its fun though. argh. haha actually i just realised that you can finish studying a whole year's work in a day. it just depends how focused you are.

timmy's a lucky man. he's the attention of the gay community in singapore. there's a buzz going arnd that he gives the best blows. wow wow. its no wonder why gays have been hailing from all ends of singapore just to meet up with him, and pray with great anticipation that he might agree to fufill their most perverse wishes. recently he has received an avg of 2 calls from gays a day. thats not bad, for a begineer gay. he claims he rejects their advances and doesn't meet up wif em, but i see the glint of desire and longing in his eyes when he talks abt his gay encounters. Oh well....since the gals tim likes cmi, i suppose its time for him to move on in life and go after....well...ppl who're more like him i suppose. good luck tim. may the best gay win.

today's soccer game was gayed....i got injured after 13 mins. f man. so i wanted to be keeper. but you cano't really be a keeper if you can't move. so i let 2 goals in. n eveyrone wanted to kill me. i'm soooo sorry ppl. sigh.and i DOTAED AGAIN WTF. haha i can't walk properly now dammit. my knee's gged.

life's so boring now. its full of crap. playing games, studying. argh. i need to start making my bombs n stuff. spice up my life, and maybe someone's bag can haf a nice hole in it aswell. oh oh i gotta start to be a bettterrr guy. time to go to church tmr. after all there's great scenery there. ok just one great scenery. makes the trip worthwhile.
its better to have loved and lost than not to have loved. i wonder how true this statement is man...

This has proven to be most damaging.
Its here once again. Self inflicted pain.
You always get in things that harm you.

This really shouldn't happen. Its all over again. What will I do with myself.

These gaping wounds, self-inflicted,
serve not as scarlet warnings
but fond, rosy reminders...
bittersweet memories of brushes with you.
And a crimson hope
that the next will be less painful

My life just runs in circles. There's no escaping fate.

I am very happy with meself.
I am seeing things about Silas Marner. Finally its abit like last year. Yay Yay happy happy.
Lucidity has struck me like an invisible wand. I plan to ride on it till promos.

Oh and me being a freemarket was really amusing. Sigh. Thats the kindof conversation i used to have last year. Incorporated subjects with fun. And in the process always learning. Sounds abit cliche, but yeah. I remember the stupid incidents and memories i used to remember stuff in exams.

I am a very fuzzy person. Heh. Recently i tried to recall someone's face. Failed miserably, needless to say, I could get the general impression, but once i tried to focus on the more exact positions and ratios, it all fell into static. The eyes kept shuffling and the mouth elongated and yeah. In the end it sort of fell into another person's general impression.

Whicn interestingly points out that I can really remember no one's face distinctly. If i try to construct them out of my mind it just comes out distorted.

It is no wonder.

words words words words. I'm losing touch. I can no longer convey what I want to say. Or employ words with economy. I only stumble around, groping in the darkness, never hitting the mark. Poignant is not a word i would use to describe my current state of writing.

Oh and Kevin's poems are nice. now that is using words to truly convey what you want to say. so many undercurrents below the surface metaphor. haha much better than reading that verbose BC's stifled attempts to appear intelligent by using bombastic words for the SAKE of using bombastic words. hahaha.

I am highly distressed.
And it is not because of promos.
Laichangwen, hadri and matin will be the death of me one day.

Now. On to better and less gruesome issues.
I want to buy SENS' album. Yes its classical. Yes its japo-shit as well. But I still like it. Its nice, simplistic yet powerful. I like things like tt.
Unfortunately my previous resolution has somewhat failed. Miserably I might add. Since the last post, I have chalked up a debt of approximately 15 dollars. I might attribute this to the unexpected cost of the Woman Warrior which robbed me cruelly of 16 dollars. However I will not make excuses for my inability to manage my finances. Yixun says, i spend 120% of my income. Even if my parents gave me 100 dollars a week i'd spend 120. Thankfully its only 50 now. hahaha.

SO therefore album will have to wait for very long. Unless i can conjure two ten dollar notes out of thin air. Which I believe would be a very handy skill given my current situation.

I am starting to type like BC. hmm.

I cannot.
Well its true. I lose. I always lose. The way I play, its no surprise I lose after all. This game, I'm just a pawn in a world of kings.
I don't understand how my world-view evolved. Its utterly stupid yet I can't change it. This kind of thinking is the naive thinking you see in childhood stories or Enid Blyton. But really, what influence could possibly have led me to uphold this world view even when everything around me screams otherwise?
Weakness. Its no surprise that I used to dream of just flying off somewhere and just farm. Yes farm. I remember telling my parents that, they told me if you farm you'll never get a tv or a computer or a playstation etc. etc. Things that meant alot when I was 12. I said that if I didn't know it I wouldn't want it. Hah. How village-esque.
I don't know. Have I become so inculcated with these values that i'm trapped in the very weakness they laud? The meek shall inherit the earth indeed. heh.
Clever isn't it. They start on you from young. How roundabout the bible can be sometimes, to trap people in their way of thinking. Subtle mind control at its best. Well at least it points in the general direction of good.

Don't you see. I was never meant to play this game.

okay the million and one color crazy posts have disappeared
And i've changed the music to the relief of many i think.
And spots are sprouting on my forehead. I think i hang out too much with chee.

From today. No more bimbotic colourful posts. But more importantly,

From today: I am NOT going to owe anyone munny. I pay my debts all back by this week.

Hmmm.
Lets see.
Moved on for Silas munner. by. umm. hmm. 1 chapter
Moved much more for econs i believe. At least i hope. Lets see. Umm. Hmmm. Somewhere around Time Factor for Elasticity now. Thats... 4 chapters. Yay!
History still stands at 0.
Must put in red letters to remind self.
Maths still stands at 3/4 complex number tutorial. I lied the last time round. hahaha.

I am rediscovering colours today. Whee
How fun.

Does this mask in with my background?

How silly of me.
To maintain solidarity. To believe i wouldn't change. To think that i'd weather it all.
No more futile than the desperate fluttering of leaves that fall inevitably to the ground.
I cannot conquer the ephemerality of this world.

Anyway. I'm deciding that perhaps my father isn't as blockheadedly stupid as i thought. Although it really is quite silly to think that, him being a lecturer and all. But anyway yeah. He saw me reading Silas Marner and suddenly he passed me 3 books, Dubliners by James Joyce, Selected Poems by TS Eliot and Collected Poems and Plays of Rabindranath Tagore. I was like "oh my goodness you've read all this". haha. To think a mathsy person like him would read this kind of thing.

So anyway I tried to read them. Keyword here being tried. Its really really really beyond me. Haha. But anyway, flipping through them really revamped my view of him. Its interesting. It would appear that at one point in time he really was quite interested in lit. Hmm. And maybe perhaps we weren't as different as we thought.

Or perhaps its all just a cycle. Maybe as I toddle through my life, I walk in my father's footsteps, drawing parallels I never even knew existed. A circle so immense we only see the tangents.

Lets see. Things I have purchased over the past few days:

1. One (1) Economics by John Sloman. Currently still in plastic wrap and looking pretty.
2. One (1) Da-Vin-Ci Code by Dan Brown. Bought on Monday, finished by Tuesday.
3. One (1) Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom. What kind of surname is Albom anyway. HI MR. ALBOM. Hmm nevermind.

Anyway if you know reading the da-vinci code always inspires people to start blogging about how reading it is very faith-testing and etc. etc. Therefore. I am happy to say that as a rather infrequent church goer, it has done little to impact my faith. Shaky and somewhat non-existent as it is already. Ah well. But even if I were to revert back to about two years ago, it wouldn't have done much. I mean, I'd agree with what the book says, those that really understand their faith believe in the meaning more than the metaphors. I mean really. I never managed to swallow the eucharist bit down my throat. And the other idiosyncratic rituals of the church. But i've really found some of the principles quite appropriate. They're quite good principles to live by. I mean, yeah. Some of them have got me this far. Perhaps doctrine isn't always a bad thing sometimes. If you can pick out the stuff that was originally based on the intent, and the stuff that's just put there to make it look like doctrine. Or perhaps this is just the result of me reading Silas Marner closely the past few days.

Oh yes. Update on my studies: (This is really just more for me to keep track than to upset those of you feeling idyllic and lazy)

1. Re-read Silas Marner up to Chapter 3. Annotating like mad-dick. Will link everything to formation of belief from now on, no matter how remote it may sound.
2. One (1) Complex Numbers Tutorial 10b
3. One (1) Chapter of Economics by John Sloman (Namely Introduction to Economics)
4. Umm. ey shit lah i'm sure i did more than just that.

Oh well.

Baby you're gonna drive me crazy
Falling in love is easy
Stay by my side.

oh OH! speaking of which. i googled vyna's name. and this came out. hoohoohoo hilarious.
http://ideology.freeservers.com/nazi/vyna.htm

i woke up at 12:30 again. haha the bio clock is goned lah. goned. GG-ified.

Aiyah tired. Aha i forgot to do the test on econs remedial day. shit lah. nevermind if i drop by school tmrw i'll do it.
Anyway today marks the start of the mug like fuck week. Haha that changwen and yixun were talking abt going overseas then when they came to me they were like... er... see his promo results. Which is quite fair lah. SO MUST MUG LIKE FUCK.
Anyway today i finished a grand total of. hmm...

1. ONE complex numbers notes
2. Umm.

Oh shit this won't do. Perhaps i should read a chapter of Tarling.

And changwen i thought you were studying in changi. Isn't hwachong like opposite end of the island?

Today is clearly a day of new stuff. Hwa Chong is a damn fun place! i went there wif jem lee n i met chris ho there. then tt crazy asshole took a fire extinguisher n sprayed it. it was how blardey fun n i joined in wif him den i pressed tooo hard i tink....n the damn thing couldn't stop spewing powdery shit. so in the end i left it in the stairwell n ran away. hahahahha the powder was drifting out of the windows lyk the stairs were on fire!
Clearly that isn't enuff fun. so we took another extinguisher n ran out of hwachong. we then went to first avenue there n sprayed everywhere. we wanted to spray 2 fat fierce ugly black dogs, but decided agianst it as the owners were in. we sprayed the drain all white wif powder hahaha.den we finally left it on n put it into a dustbin. GG to the person who opens it.

oh well today esther left for UK. i can c why she's sad cos she's leaving all her frens behind n everything. but seriously speaking, its only for 3 mths. Frenships last much longer than that, n she's still connected to the real world by so many means of communication. Fones? internet? She'll be coming back so all of you dun be sad! n you too Esther! haha today has made me super determined. i'm gona mug damn blardey hard to go overseas for studies. coz my parents cant afford to send me! when i'm leaving i'll be sooo happy to try out a new way of life n maek new frens. sad yes...possibly. but it'll soon go away.

If I was god. Sitting up there watching the world. With the knowledge of eternity, and all his omnipresence
Damn I'd find the world funny. Funny yet pitiful.
Its all so ironic sometimes. So futile. So stupid. All our struggles just bleed into wash with time.

HADRI. Its not my fault i listen to a wide range of music. haha. including "japo shit". I mean, just cause TR^2 likes it doesn't mean its not niceee~

Anyway esther's party was okay. haha. didn't know everyone there so just hung out with changwen yixun marcjo and kevin lee and graeme they all. hahaz. quite extraa.
haha. we were playing with the helium balloons also. besides the BEE incident. OH and that becky lost her fone.

shit tmrw have to pack for rp. or today. oh whatever.

ARGH....i'm so stupid.when i got stung by a stinking bee in esther's house. they told me to go catch it n i tot it was a flying ant. how the hell i know its a real stupid stinking blackyelow bee. so i juz grabbed it wif my hand n tt fagging thing stang me lyk crap. the stupid sting was left in my thumb n it hurt lyk hell. now its swollen n it feels lyk a sprained my thumb real bad. haha aniwae i hope esther enjoyed her self in the party n everyone too.
haha good thing i can use tim's blog. he's gay. i'm blogging for fun. coz i'm sleepy n tired n nothing to do. yawn.
N mel koh clearly has too mcuh time to go to town n watch movie wif tim n den go home. haha i bet those 2 haf smth going on. not surprising. mel koh looks lesbian. no wonder she'll fall for timmy.

I wish Leonard Lim were teaching me again. Hah. When we all scored 23/25 and were content sitting on our bums and thinking lit was freefrag.

Now I'm sitting here. Wondering how on earth all this alliteration and rhyming aids with the poem. Whatever happened to simpler metaphors and imagery that I could easily link to the message? Lit's almost like a phonetics class now that wilfully eludes me.

Now I just feel so woefully inadequate. Sometimes I wish I understood more.



On a side note: Perhaps a facade really is quite a good judgement of one's character. Its very presence indicates something, what more the nature of the facade could very well reflect the opposite traits of a person. Hmm. What a self-defeating purpose.

Perhaps i ought to correct my sleeping cycles.
Like not sleeping at 7 and waking up at 12. And now procceeding to type out two essays.
Oh well. I'm bizzare.

Haha but really. Monday chuin and mel handed me another things-to-change-about-tim list. Haha its quite funnie. But it got me thinking if I really should change. I mean I wouldn't disagree with most of what they say, hell my hair definitely needs a haircut and yeah the way i behave really could change. Could. But should it?

I'm always quite against any sort of major change. Because while the present situation may not be perfect, its alot more certain than anything i can see beyond a change. Applies to everything as well in fact. I mean everything's so fragile, being delicately balanced on other things. And sometimes we don't even see the connections between them. A change in one can and often results in the most chaotic upsets in the current situation. Could be for the better. But sometimes you can't predict the most remote of changes. And those changes could ironically sometimes affect those closest to your heart.

Funny isn't it. For someone who likes trying new stuff.

Bah. I puzzle myself sometimes. Guess I'm really quite bizzare.

But really. I wouldn't have myself any other way.