hmm. haven't blogged in a long time.
Anyway, recent happenings include: i'm going! haha yay. thx chuin and co. AND KEITH LIM. Keith Lim who is teh King of Kings and he makes the world go round. and whoever else lah.
Also, i went shoppping. first with the b.p. den we bot a shirt... which was quite nice. haha from far east. den we sort of split and i went with hadri and met adfzar and smritti later. Den we went back to try buy the jeans but somehow it was 89. i din have that much cash so we went off to find adfzar a cap for his new hair, den i met cw and chee dey all, then we went bugis to pasar malam. where i bought a jeans and two shirts. yah but i'll probably buy the polo ralph lauren one some other day. broke already. hahaz.
And mel and chuin drew up this list. of things i hafe to do. which could be a leeeetle difficult.

Anyway if i've written stuff about this bear with me.
I think that "the man" is an outdated and piggish stereotype. Indeed, i cannot begin to fathom the reasons why it has been passed down the ages. Because while being "the man" would consist of portraying an macho image, the fact is that this is simply meant to intimidate would be predators. While indeed this would have been useful in primal cave-man times, this image has become somewhat skewed through the ages. Because now, being "the man" consists of being chauvnistic, and is made up of three things: sex booze and drugs. which is quite a sad state of affairs. Whether the booze is exquisite champagne or plain old beer, the drugs, cigars or cigarettes, the fact remains is that this is what "the man" has degenerated to. (or continued to exist as)

So is it really that ideal?

Sometimes i wish i were more eloquent. that i knew what to say to make it better. I should take courses in comforting people.

Anyway, today was nice. niceee. NICEEEE. ahaha sorrie. Went to sch late again, skipped batchelor's lesson so i wouldn't have to face him. I'm terrified of him ever since he yelled at me. Funny how an shrivelled old angmoh can instil such fear in me. Well anyway then i had a little chat with chuin on the corridors before i left for hockey. yeah thx chuin for helping. although actually don't need already. nvrmind i tell you later. haha.
then i watched hockey with cw and firas. girls play hockey is sian/2 lah. so slow paced. haha the only powerful one is the NUMBER 77 aka pauline. wah lau she's damn bao li lah. gdstuff. haha the only interesting moments were when she got the ball. Then the guys hockey was damn good. damn ci ji. and much more interesting. haha too bad dunnoe neone from hockey. hai.
haha and cw was fretting about how to comfort her. understandably. Its difficult. I wouldn't know what to say either, and after a while the brain goes dry of comforting things to say.
Anyway its late. i'll go sleep

ooh. rugby won. haha finally a victory.
tts good. this time they go from the finals happy. gratz ruggers.

Note to self: never eat at whatever chiapanese shitty buffets again. waste munny waste time.
Oh changwen and markeio and chunyat went to dye their hairs today. they cannot go to sch anymore. immediate suspension one. sure. Hahaz changwen looks remotely like a christmas tree, mark eio like lion, and chunyat i'm not quite sure. ahh but they're all quite nice. i like the christmas tree one actually. looks veri punkish. hahahaz.
I also have 1million scents on my hands. I'll never go browsing colognes with changwen again. He sprays all the potentially smelly ones on me. Thankfully not all are REALLY smelly. EXcept for the mamalemon one. which fortunately faded quite fast.

Little rant coming up. Bitching to be exact.

I don't understand. i haven't stepped on your toes, i sure as hell haven't offended you. You have no cause, no semblance of reason to show such hostility to me. Don't think you're cool and all there. You're far from it, you've a long way to go, you and your kiam-pah face. And if its simply because i would serve no benefit to you that you show such disdain towards me, well you need to grow up. Your facade betrays you for the immature and shallow creature that you need to face up to. If you have a problem speak up like the man you would like to portray yourself as. Sulking is as womanish as the very trait you despise about me.

You don't HARVEST me.
What am i. GRAIN?

OH man. did i miss my chinese a level oral exams?
i hope that oral was for cts man. hoho shitshit.

haha oh it was promos. oh well.

~my weakness caused you pain, and this song is my sorry~

I actually wrote a nice dramatic paragrah about how little i apparently mean to yixun, but i've deleted it at his request. Anyway, yixun is helping me in lit, with strings attached. But what the heck. Eching must not win.

I was talking to yihong about manipulation just now. how appropriate. But anyway, it is quite fair to say that everything is manipulation in one form or another. That buying a girl dinner is in fact trying to get her to like you. A form of bribery. OR that it portrays yourself as being able to provide for her and that you are rich.
But i hope not. I'd always thought that buying a girl dinner was simply to make her happy. And that you'd be happy seeing her happy. As simple as that.
Ah well. i guess everything is a sort of manipulation. The expression of emotions itself is a signal for people to comfort you in times of depression or disappointment, or express joy for your success and happiness.
It isn't fair to label such things with the negative connotations that the word "manipulation" has though. we all have a need to share our joys and sorrows.
Oh well.

Speaking of which, my glasses are killing me. I hope its just temporary.

Well. sickly teenage drama queen has found out that everytime is actually played on a harp. And doesn't sound as nice on the piano. rats. maybe if i push the pedal it'll sound like a harp enough.

Its time again for more rantings of a teenage drama queen.

I'm sick. and dying. here i am chair-ridden writing this blog entry so that i can tell everyone that i'm sick and dying. Just thought you should know :).
So anyway i've got a like 38.something fever and permanant nausea. And an undone eching essay. That should be handed up by tmrw. Which i cannot hand up because i won't be there.
I hope uni tells her in time. that i'm sick and unable to give her her stinking assignment. before she complains to perry again and then instigates perry to make me drop lit.
*grrr*

ladida. went for un talk today. un talk damn sian. damn damn sian.
I was sniffling throughout the whole thing. I think that place is dust-laden. Oh and chee can draw quite well. haha during the talk he drew a picture of the place. QUite nice. must remember to scan it in for him. haha puss me chuin and mel were passing notes throughout the whole thing... haha quite funny.
After tt we went to chuin's house to chill. where we watched how to lose a guy in 10 days. The only nice dress is the last yellow one lah! the rest look like pyjamas. hmmpf. Den we watched cruel intentions. which is damn kewl. There's manipulation going on from every angle in that film man. intriguing stuff.
oh yah chuin is damn hospitable. haha she bot pizza and stuff for us and din make us pay at all. chuin rocks~
Speaking of which. i tink i'll try and learn how to play everytime. It'll probably sound better without britney singing it. =P

There was even more to the eching saga today. This may never truly end. She may actually succeed in spoiling every day of my life with a reprimand from a different lit teacher each day.
Perhaps i should talk to her and tell her she's being really unprofessional by telling all the lit teachers i have no interest in the subject. Which, my dear -eheh-, is far from the truth. You sneaky bitch. If she has a problem she should come and settle it with me first before ratting to all the teachers.

Anyway, eching aside, Hadri chongs yeemeng and janahan got in faction! haha yay. the poem worked for hadri. hahahaha. ANyway congratz to all who got in. And those who didn't, don't take it too hard lah. There'll be plenty of other opportunities. yeahz.

Today i watched shrek 2 with uni and hadri... haha i ponned chinese to go watch it. Was nice and funny, lots of parodies of other things. Sushi and Sashimi were inside. And puss was damn cute! hahaha. Quite hillarious although i didn't get what they were refering to sometimes. Anyway, then we went to buy straws so that uni could torture her fingers by folding manymany stars with them. The things love makes you do. Yeah so we went to meet puss chuin and mel at lido and fold stars, haha then uni tried to teach us. haha puss is damn funny, his star kept falling apart. haha uni tried to teach him 5 times but it still fell apart. hahahaha. After tt i tried calling chee and cw but they din pickup. Probably were at the club doing gym or smth.

I have given up. There is more to the eching saga, but to elaborate is useless. The very typing of these words is too great an effort for vermin like her.

E-ching is a bitch!
Wah lau. I go for lit lecture finally in god knows how many million years, and that retarded woman HAS to be lecturing. (i know she usually lectures for othello anyway, but still) So since i couldn't stand that utterly irritating voice of hers i went on to talk to chee and fan. At which we promptly got yelled at by batchelor from behind. hmmpf. well fair enough grumpy old man. You were just probably as irritated as us over e-ching's voice and wanted to let off some steam. We'll forgive you.
So at which we decided to shutup and listen to her, which proved to be an exercise in futility, since the constant -eh-eh- were quite a distraction. Albeit the stuff on the transparency was quite interesting. So anyway,at the end of the lecture, that bitch came up to me and went "timothy! where are you notes-eh". NARBEH! so anyway i told her no notes taken down. then she asked "can you all recite the lecture to me-eh?" HELL NO! why on earth would you want me to repeat a bloody lecture that YOU gave with all the -eh-eh-s peppered in between? holy shit!
So anyway, e-ching-eh happens to be my teacher as well. we lost perry for her. I mean how huge a disparity is that? So ANYWAY, that bitch comes and tells me that i haven't handed up her great expectations assignment. Fair enough. it slipped my mind. So she said that if i don't hand it up to her i'll have to see mrs perry about dropping lit. WTF?! Bitch there's NO-WAY you are going to make me drop lit. ever. Hell she was talking about my attitude and stuff?! Ey for god's sake i actually like lit lah! I do her ridiculously mundane pieces of homework most of the time, i passed up the grandmother thing and her stupid olaf poem with all the swear words that she loves to say embarassedly. (is there such a word?) And i put effort in them, i don't hand it up for the sake of handing it up, as in i actually like doing it. torturous as the choice of poem may be. If she thinks she can make me drop lit cos I didn't hand up her great expectations, well FAT HOPE YOUNG LADY. I'll DO your stinking greatexpectations assignment. If only not to piss perry off. Don't think i'm doing it for you.

Anyway, i went for rp auditions today. haha. oops. they said i wasn't loud enough. but hadri said i was in? which is good. maybe i'll just work on projecting my voice and stuff. I always thought they had mikes, thats why their voices were so loud. haha oops. guess i thought wrong. Then after that i went wif smritti thea hadri shafia and suwee to macs. den we talked about hadri. haha. THE EMBITTERED ONE.

urgh life is not going well. i think i'll go do my inthist

Hmmpf. Mel is ungrateful. Here i am at 12 mn helping her think up of stuff to put in her speech, and there she is calling me a retard on the tagboard. hmmpf
Ingrates aside, i sort of regret not applying for faction. It was my last chance to actually try for some sort of position.
Well tough luck.
And yihong's trying to propose a business extension of changwen's. Which is so going to flop. Its hardly even air-tight. Because its difficult to sell it for that high when people can just go to the pasarmalam and buy. While it IS real shirts from whatever place, people don't always know that. And given the way we're selling it, they have every reason not to believe us. ITs always risky to resell another's brand name anyway. Changwen almost had a hellofatime trying to sell those 20 shirts already.
Whatever lah. We'll see how it goes.
I love savage garden too. I want affirmation. And their self-titled album. Which isn't easy to find nowadays. -sigh-
Oh yeah. Gp was wonderfully amusing today. Veluri was extremely animated today, she kept acting and telling funny jokes and insulting in that utterly hilarious tone of hers. What a refreshing change from her boring moronic insults. I actually managed to stay awake. on a double gp period. without toilet breaks. accomplishment sia.

hmm. i've gotten a guestbook. Yeah i'm not really happy with the color scheme i guess. but heck care. Any suggestions on it sign in the guestbook! haha. or you could tag if you really can't stand the colours i suppose.
umm anonymous: i can't answer that question so i'll just ignore it like you say.
And why's my tagboard turned into a culimination of deaththreats?!

Yay. Just finished keith's stuff. Now keef owes me free lunch. goodie.
Haha my muscles are painful. my arm cannot bend. i'm tired and sleepy and aching. Maybe gym isn't for me.
Speaking of which my mother declined to pay for me. She went bonkers when she found out tt it was 138 a month and not 138 one shot. haha -oops-. After that she went on into a tiresome tirade about how money doesn't grow on trees and my father's retiring soon.
Oh well. guess i won't be able to hang out wif chee and cw and mk and bobo at the club.
Speaking of which, if thats REALLY chee, which i don't think it is, he's probably being pms-y. Chee is normally nice. He's not bitchy or pettyetty like that person on the tagboard. But if it is him he's probably just having a bad day. Because chee is nice. haha. USUALLY. And chee turning gay is not slander! hehehe. You wrote it yourself lah!
Anyway, to whoever anonymous is... Yeah she's probably not worth the misery that she's causing... but then again that's my fault and not hers isn't it? I was the one who chose to get all miserable over her. And i guess i'm trying to get over tt.

Mel told chongs!
hoohoo shit. that can't be good.
Besides, this is the 100th post... so i'll write about this blog. Which has seen me through a few months coming to a year. Quite interesting actually. And to think i used to think the concept of "online diary" was a horrible oxymoron.
But surprisingly blogger has served me well. haha noone seemed to find this place until eons later when i told a few people. And even now it remains a pretty private and safe sanctuary. For me to whine and for you to find out what I really think.
Oh well. And in doing my links i've realised that so little of my friends blog. ah. pity.
But i guess life's just like that.

hoohoo. mel is pissed again
i have a knackof pissing her off. Its highly amusing
This time cos we were talking about faction... then i was telling her that she'll most probably get in if she gets past interview, then she and chongs can go form like a duo team and garner votes. Den she complained smth about how every guy will go up to chong and ask "can i give you all my votes?" haha. then we moved on to the speech. Then i said yah that could be a problem. imagine you going up there and speaking all airheadedly "hi everyonneeee.... i'm meellll~" hahahaz. and she got fedup. hehez.
Oh then after that there was the birthday thing. hahaha.
i hope she doesn' tell chongs. *grumble*

SHANE KUA GOT IN HUMANS?!
ifeelveritoolaned. holyshitlah! SLAP THAT BITCH IN TJ.
anyway, mel's pissed with me again i tinks. haha cos i said yuping owns her. hehez.
but its true wad! hrmmpf.
well today sucked. apparently everyone has ditched me like i predicted. Changwen and chee went to their "exclusive!!!" club, leaving poor old me in school. And i thought i had a reprieve when i saw fan and niggerling, but noooo, fan is "BUSY" fetching SOMEONE home and niggerling is "going home" at 1:10. mmmhmmm. So i hung around in school like some ridiculous dumbass talking to uni and brandon and max until they went for their trainings. den i went to talk to xf and keith who also went for training. haha keith now blames me for chee's gayification. it is NOT my fault lah! i didn't go buy perfume with chee, i didn't gay around with him for 3 days, and i DEFINITELY DID NOT ask him to sign up for the gym membership. hahaz. den i talked to zx. and bitched about the tj principal who is utterly retarded and pathetically jealous of rjc it seems. Clearly she doesn't seem to understand that US STUDENTS should not be caught up in whatever political wars and agenda she has between her school and ours. bitchybitch. Den apparently i cannot run for faction either! because i din come to sch last week and its too late to get my name down. aiyah my life is rotting away. haiyar. i hafe no one to hangout with! hahaz.

Speaking of which, i have never been more put off by gyms since i went into cali fitness with theyall today. I am utterly shocked and disgusted. Its not so much the musty smell of sweat that lingers in the air, or the oppressive crowds. Rather it was the line of treadmills with mindless people running on them. God, the image reminds me of some evil experiment where they get hamsters to run on treadmills to power whateveritis. everyone's doing everything in synchronization, its like a bloody factory! And with the hypnotic techno music (LOUSY TECHNO MUSIC AT THAT) booming in the background, you'd almost have thought it was brainwash-to-conformity central.

Ooh. Chee is turning gay. Haha he paid manymanydollars to join gym club with bobo. And cw mite be joining wif mk lah. Aiyah i feel left out. hahaz. but i don't realli want to join lah anyway. the club's really nice though. and posh. It's quite a cool place to hang out i guess... but forking out that much $$ just for a place to hang out's abit too much in my opinion. Not like i'm seriously interested in doing the gym after all. And i don't want to eat meepok for the rest of my life like cw. hehez.
Today sucked. I didn't get humans. SHIT LAH! i didn't get humans! Well first before i start complaining and bitching, congratz to all those who got in. good for you, moe recognized your talent. Now for the rant.
What the heck is wrong with moe! they're absolutely retarded. I mean when i first got rejection letter i was like... okay.. maybe they're looking for people with more calibre and better capabilities then me. Which is alright lah if the people who gotin were better / didn't get in were worse. But holy shit! zhong xing didn't get in! holy fuck lah! he's like the last person i thought wouldn't get in. Amber prize! Then people like the 11a1 girl din get in, and i was totally convinced that something is wrong with moe. Either that blind bat who interviewed me and decided to make my bloody life so difficult by telling me that great poets are depressed and manical and don't really better empathise and understand people as i said was having pms today, or moe's really blind to talent. Speaking of which, alot of the people interviewed by the tj principal were fucked. I don't mean me when i'm talking about talent. Although now I really think that perhaps i had deserved more of a chance at the scholarship. Actually I mean people like zhong and zhi an. And alot of the others who definitely deserved the scholarship.
And horrors of horrors, they're kicking people out?! I don't tink that's been done before, but its utterly ridiculous. On what criteria do you kick people out then?! Its totally silly and unfair to those who've been doing all the different subjects for 5 mths (speaking of which, the long 5 months is AGAIN moe's fault for being so sluggish), and to expect them to restart again. With lousier teachers. And perhaps a whole new class. Its not good, not fair, not healthy. In fact its absolutely inhumane. Partly because humans people only thrive in their intellectual and discussive environment. And partly cos its bloody evil.
And worst of all, now i have no option to push my reset button. I was hoping that perhaps that the retards up there would gimme the scholarship so that i could change syllabus and play ignorant and stupid all over again. Now i don't have that option. i HAVE to catch up on SEA history and Othello. I CANNOT continue to think "oh well i might change class yu noe" anymore. HOW TO PROCRASTINATE NOW?
Not that i'd have changed class actually. Actually i might have. I love the class, its really nice, but the teachers... well certain teachers lah. Incompetent-ehehe. Utterly incompetent-ehehe. And of course itwould have been entertaining to come under purvis. Who's apparently utterly funny.
Actually that can be remedied. Work hard and do S Lit. ooh. hmmm. But i'll still be stuck with -eheh-. toopeed e-ching-ah.
And i always thought that i was just going to be temporary in ao1d. that i'd be sad to go to humans. Well tim, apparently you were wrong. You won't have to make a soppy farewell speech anymore.
Shit you fan and chee. you should have transferred to my class lah! idiots. i told you its possible that i wouldn't get in. Not that i wanted that possibility to become reality of course.
urrgh. feeling all pekcheked. i feel cheated. i placed quite abit of hopes on this. to have it all dashed to pieces is quite pathetic. Irritating actually. Very irritating. May sound pompous and presumptuous of me, but i feel i deserved it. maybe to be the lower-rung of the humans scholars perhaps, i can't say that i'm on equal terms with people like yixun and jonyap definitely, but i still think i deserved it. I think i have the kind of mind and academic capability. Maybe i'm abit lazy, but that always can be remedied. urgh. die you bastards. rot in your lavish tax-paid offices at buona vista while you deprive deserving young people of the recognition they deserve.
Hmm. perhaps i'm quite a sore loser sometimes. Just that i've never really failed academically when i put my mind to it. Its a first for me. And i'm not happy that the first scholarship i've ever applied for has rejected me in the face.

Getting attached is the last frontier left in the search for love. If it isn't there, then where is it?

I've got a sudden pang of loneliness again.
Don't know where it came from. Came back from ORA and then town and just suddenly felt all alone in the world. I suppose part of this might stem from -uknowwhat- yeah.
But maybe its just cos i still don't have anyone. I need a close friend. As in really close. Maybe abit like bud and ben, someone whom i can talk about life and other things till the cows come home and not feel one bit awkward.
No one has time for that now. We're too caught up in life, schoolwork, lectures, girlfriends. There's no time to idle around and talk now. No time to just stare up at the sky and ask silly questions.
No time. Its quite sad really.
Life's so tiring now. I just feel so superficial sometimes, and i guess that's partly cos of the general culture. When the only things to talk about are whether she looks good or he's going out with her, its only inevitable.
No wonder people want to get attatched. So that they have someone to call up when they feel like i do.
I feel cheap and hollow again. For all thats worth I don't mean much.

~You aren't in sight, you aren't in sight~

where did my last post go?
hmmm... and anyway, i'm screwed up lah. i took my september holiday in advance this week.

If growing up means finding less things to be happy about, I'd rather stay a child.
I'm still sick.
and coughing.
and dying.
If i ended up in hospital would you visit?
Its funny isn't it. I think part of suicidal thoughts stem from the pity that a person hopes to acheive after his death.

I miss ri.
I miss mornings where we gather in class and do stupid stuff. I miss the mornings where everyone's busy copying homework that hasn't been done. Where we had proper tables and our own classroom.
I miss the closeness of my class. Funny i never noticed it until i plopped into rj, but yeah i miss it. I miss sitting next to szekiat and changwen. And getting moved around all the time cos i kept talking to people.
I miss tancheewan. and two. and rosie albeit her weirdness. and paul. and bek. and ermin. and lam.
I miss ranting and bitching about leongcheehoong. I miss terrible cucumber and lolex.
I miss the phelgm-green chairs that fan threw at changwen
I miss the immense amount of time we once had. Such that there was time to be everyone's friend.
I miss gep. the everyone-in-gep-knows-everyone feeling.
I miss ri.
-sigh-

Yay. We made clinton happy today. haha me and uni went to buy a cake and muffin from mrs fields then we stuck a candle in the muffin and brought it to clinton in lido. hahaz yay. den we watched 50 first dates with uni janahan tiffany mel chuin puss joel marns. yeah. i fell asleep =P.
Anyway, i'm still sick. from that day. i don't know whats wrong with me. maybe i'm falling apart.
school sucks. work sucks. life now sucks too.