I'm doing a heart of darkness assignment for my friend now. I've always been able to identify that Kurtz internalizes his ideals to a point where he believes he embodies them, and thus any action he takes is justified in the name of that ideal. But I've never actually thought of it, and now I realize that many have fallen to such temptations - TT Durai suddenly comes to mind. What Smriti told me about Ghandi cheating in his non-violence campaign too.

Ideals are, thus, dangerous things to play around with and subscribe to. One runs the danger of become self-righteous, of fervently defending one's actions, of being incapable of seeing the self-element in them. Everything we do has an element of selfishness. The realization of these elements is what keeps us grounded, it is what keep us humble. But when one subscribes to an ideal and pours every bit of belief into it, one starts to believe that he IS the ideal - a dangerous belief indeed. I'm sure TT Durai could justify his actions in the spirit of giving, and more importantly, that he would actually sincerely believe in these justifications. It is a trap that one does not even see, and it will come to a point when one starts committing actions that are clearly inimical to these ideals, but seem perfectly in line with them to him. Kurtz's claim to the ivory is selfish - but to him it is upholding justice.

It's late at night again. It appears that I am only able to write at unearthly hours, perhaps I could ask my future universities to organize specially-timed examinations to coincide with these hours.

The Catholic News (My Mother's, I must emphasize) encourages christians to boycott The Da Vinci Code, and now my mother has warned me rather benignly that I am Not to watch that infernal satanic movie. I will make bookings shortly.

But on a less rebellious note I wish the church had more faith in its followers. It is rather easy to observe that the conspiracy theory in the Da Vinci Code is: a) hyped-up and probably exaggerated, b) draws very shaky links from even more shaky evidence, c) would hardly affect anyone who honestly believes in christianity. Faith is suspension of thought - Thus anyone who is sufficiently indoctrinated with faith would dismiss it as all hogwash instantly. If you ask me such a test of faith is useful in sieveing out the strong believers and also to gauge if their followers do actually understand what they believe in. The church is just scared of losing face la.

Elections are very silly. I won't put my two cents worth on the gomez issue, but Sylvia Lim sums it up very nicely when she says she's amazed at the number of permutations the PAP has come up on this. Permutations - what a lovely, mechanical mathematical methodological word. It event starts with a "P" too. She should take lit, that woman.

Last note: Ideas do not feel. They do not cry, do not bleed, they do not love. Yes I know this is from V for Vendetta. But to shed blood and tears, to tear down people's lives for the sake of an idea, to sacrifice oneself and one's loved ones and future for an ideal they cannot cry over, bleed for or love... I do not understand how there are people who manage to do so - the idea must be so captivating. Such an experience must be enriching indeed.

Ok I shall stop being boring and do what I do best - Whine.

You know how they say that the SAF is Suffering Agony and Frustration? Well you don't have any of that here in OETI, seeing how the most strenuous activity is probably the march from the monologue (What on EARTH is this anyway, how did a bunch of steel pipes that look like exhaust chimneys come to be called a monologue?) to the cook house. Which serves quite good food, fortunately. But I digress.

Anyway, yes, no Suffering Agony and Frustration, only Stupidity Apathy and Frumpiness. This place can make even the most cheerful people grumpy assholes, I tell you. Firstly, it is a bleeding workshop. That means a strange assortment of grease, exhaust and petrol permeates the air. To add on to that, everything in here (and the blasted goddamn army, because they have no sense of colour coordination), is green or grey. I know camo prints are in (actually I think they're out now but I still see these Project Runway wannabes on the streets who cut up their No.4 and use it as bermudas) but surely there is no need to convert the blasted COVERALLS for to camo print for god's sake. No one is going to try and find and shoot the unarmed PES C mechanic when there are dangerous commandos and guardsmen lurking around, duh.

And because this place is commanded by Warrant Officers (Read - inflexible old penises) it is a stickler for rules. Granted, they most of them are jolly fatherly figures, but the inflexibility of the school is ridiculous. Due to the financial year (Yes, segments of the SAF actually do run out of money) we were unable to obtain coveralls and safety boots for the first month, so for the whole blasted month we had to change in and out of smart 4 just to go for lunch. Why? Oh, CO say so, vest slack cannot go cookhouse. Duh.

Side note: CO looks like a pansy. He's white, fat, and sweats alot when he runs, which I have had the rare opportunity of seeing once in my entire stay in OETI thus far.

That said though, this is probably the best one can get in the army. At least I don't have to run up the hill, down the hill, round the hill, and along any other physical dimension the hill might probably have. The place is probably collapsing anyway, judging from the state of the building, and if it does then we'll all die a young tragic death. Yep, heaven in the army is a dingy workshop with Uncle Mimi. *


*Uncle Mimi – Affectionate term used for WSM 2WO Suhaimi, who bounces ever-so-slightly when he does a sedi ya.