Masquerade!

I hate the Malaysian High Commission. Or whatever that accursed building is called.

(I'm not allowed to bitch about individuals, I'm assuming inarticulate organizations is fine)

No really, for the past 2 days, I have been waking up at the unearthly hour of 7:00AM to troop down to the malaysian high commission, which is a grub-infested building behind funan center with grumpy fat malay makciks guarding the door. And for the past 2 days, I have been refused entry to the bleeding place, because they only admit One-Hundred and Thirty (130) people into the blasted building. This is preposterous! I went home empty handed at the ungodly hour of 8:30AM!

(This might fall under excessive complaining. But i'm assuming its excessive VERBAL complaining that was problematic. Besides, everyone knows I'm just exaggerating for my own amusement.)

Aye yes so on today, I arrived at the Malaysian High Commission and waited outside hoping this time that I fell within the One-Hundred and Thirty (130) priviledged few. There was a queue that could probably rival the last hello kitty craze, but I was undeterred, so I stood in line. Leaning against the wall my mother kindly pointed out a huge caterpillar-worm thingy that was slowly but surely inching towards me. After nearly screeching in terror and leaping away from the wall, I decided that perhaps this building is not as clean as it sounds. So I stood up rigidly and continued to read Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit.

Amusing and engaging as the book may be, it was no match for the queue. As I slowly inched towards the entrance (yes the barbarians made the queue extend all the way outside into the scorching heat), my mind started to get very tired. So I kept away my book and waited for the evil makcik of death to finally get to me and allow me in.

She may have rudely told me to come back tomorrow on two occasions, but fortunately not this time. Seeing my familiar face she went "Oh you again ah? Come to do passport ah?" and laughed like it was very funny.

Now for those of you who have never had the rare opportunity to do immigration work, it is a long tedious and ridiculously stupid process that involves you standing there stupidly while the impatient immigration officer yells at you to do whatever she asks and stop asking stupid questions. My entry into the building was only the beginning.

Seeing how they gave us the queue number 1055 when they were serving number 982, We decided that it would probably be wiser to go somewhere and have breakfast. Which is the only part of today that I don't plan to complain about because delifrance food is really good when you're grumpy.

So after eating breakfast, which took about an hour or so, we went back, only to find that the queue had moved to 995.

So we went back to funan.

And back to the Malaysian High Commission.

And back to funan.

(repeat as desired)

Finally the queue numbers reached 1055. At approximately 11:30. So we went through all the scanning thumbprint photocopying IC nonsense, and the irritating malay woman through the glass panel kept telling my father to "Don't talk, just do" when really, what she was saying was typically incomprehensible.

To top it off, when we were finally finished, as we were walking out, we saw the evil makcik of death talking to this chinese woman. I heard the words Hundred and Thirty and was about to smile sadistically, when suddenly, the makcik moved aside to allow her in. She also looked noticeably happier after that.

I suspect the chinese woman did things the malaysian way. That is to offer a monetary token in order for the makcik to be suddenly afflicted with a strange optic disease. If only we had known this two days earlier. We could have paid her the amount we saved on carpark fees.

Right then. Me and yixun have come up with the conclusion that if I want to be a better person next year, I shall have to quit bitching, whining, and complaining.

Which means I shall have to find something else to blog about.

Rats.

But blogging about my day just doesn't cut it. Its so boring, I mean I read people's blogs that go on and on and on about how they ran today or went town today or met some hot guy with broad shoulders and nice tan and I click on one of the random links near the right hand side of their page. I mean, whats important is that I find this place interesting to myself. I'm not writing rubbish here so I can tell myself 50 konky years down the road that "Oh, I went lido to watch Phantom of the Opera on 20th December 2004". Incidentally, I still haven't watched it.

Hmm. Not that reading about how canning sucks is interesting either.
I bore myself with myself. Rats.

Anyway, seeing how bitching/complaining all stem from the same need to create an outlet to express the dissent I feel when people piss me off, I have only three options left. First being that I buff up until I become big and jocky and whoop anyone who pisses me off. Seeing how i'm a lazy fuck, I don't see that happening. The second, is of course to find another outlet to express this negative sentiment I feel when people piss me off. The third, is to not get pissed.

With the first option out of the way, I am left with option two and three. Of course option 2 is a good idea, but is easier said than done. If you don't bitch and whine and complain about the asshole who has just done something really assholic, what DO you do?
Option 3 of course would seem the most peaceful way. But is also easier said than done. I'm a sensitive guy. I get hurt easily. =(
Bwahahaha.

Alright perhaps I should go sleep.

So many lights - Yet none shine for me.

Its very easy for a stalker to track down where I am
If there's a blog entry today, it means i'm at home. If not, I'm in town.
Or playing mahjong in someone's house.

That is, if anyone wanted to stalk me.

Anyway since I'm bored you'll just have to bear with me and more of my nonsensical ramblings and grumblings which I hope you find interesting but know most of you don't. The pitiful visits to this page have been dwindling, probably because I haven't been updating much, but thats hardly the point. its stagnating at about 20 hits a day, and seeing the way I blog-surf, that isn't really much, amounting to merely a handful of people.

I am probably not going to be sick. Which is a relief since falling sick during christmas sucks balls. On the other hand I could have SARS and maybe this is just the incubatory period. (perhaps I should delete that. Lest I find some government officer knocking at my door. Actually, nah. Government officers have better things to do than read this. Like calling numbers scribbled at the back of buses asking for gay sex. Oops.)

My mom's about to go on some suicidal mission against the MCST of our condo I think. That's sort of like the government of my condo. Silly woman. Later she end up chock-ful with lawsuits then she know. I told her don't bother they have more legal muscle, and she told me she never asked for my opinion. I am so appreciated at home.

I wonder how people put on the top of their entries how they're feeling everyday. Like Current Mood - HAPPY/SAD/DEPRESSED/EXCITED (insert appropriate smilie here). Its quite ridiculous actually. If I ever did that everyday my entries would start with [current mood - fucked up]. Sheesh. As if you can ever pinpoint how you're feeling with a simple noun. There is only fucked up. Fucked up is broad, general, and all in all useful to describe anything and everything.

In fact I think that's actually a good idea

Current Mood - Fucked up (Middle finger smilie)

Okay maybe not.

Please please please please give the new song a chance. For 10 seconds at least.

If not do tag and tell me to change. *sigh*

Oh rats my demotivator has disappeared. its now a black rectangle with a little white square at the top left hand corner which has a little red cross in it. cows.

The floodgates have opened. I feel the way the hoover dam must feel should it ever burst. My mucus glands have gone into overdrive. Yes ladies and gentlemen:

I think I have the cold.
dramamamamamamama.

Canning is highly boring and depressing. For some reason. I shall try to pinpoint the reason the next time I can. I believe it has something to do with too many people and too light a can. Then again I might be wrong. It might just be the people.

But really. Its infuriating how these supposedly people can be so snobby and yet put such atrociously ugly things on their bodies that have checks all over the place and have the most ridiculous colour combinations. I bet aliens could do a better job when it came to colour selection. The worst part is these walking fashion disasters look at you, and you offer them a can and smile, tell them to donate to the children's cancer foundation and stop wasting money on clothes and just stay at home, and they just walk past as though they've never seen you. I mean seriously, they can't be that fugly and devoid of friends that they lack even the basic social skills to respond with a "no, sorry" or something. Or at least shake your head if you don't want to donate. Even though it may have an emerald green hat on it your head can't possibly be that heavy.

Bah. I hate town now. Its full of snobby people who think they're all there and can anyhow ignore me. I hate people who ignore me. I also hate crowds. Stupid town is chock-full with people you can't stretch your back without banging into someone. Its like a stupid bleeding ocean where you can't even stand still because then the crowd will threaten to sweep you away. Complete with smelly body odours and the dingy smell of sweat. How the heck is it possible to have yourself a merry freaking Christmas in there.

All I want for christmas is... no not you actually. All I want is a uncrowded unnoisy ungrimy field where I can lie down and stare at an unpolluted uncloudy unlighted sky, with unsmelly unmuddy untrodden grass beneath me. And fall asleep. With someone preferably (no no specific someone, just someone), but of course that's optional. I can take care of myself ;).

Anyway I think I shall go find a new demotivator. And change music. On top of that, I think I'll go think of more excuses for How To Skip Going To Midnight Mass With Your Family. Really, going to church and spending two hours there kneeling and standing at eleven pm at night is not my idea of christmas. Although churches are really quite nice places to be in, with all the music and ambience and whatnot. Very tranquil. But Not Much Use If Falling Asleep Anyway. Slumber is the best tranquility, and I don't need it interrupted by the second chorus of We Wish You A Merry Christmas, thank you very much.

okay enough grouching.

And now to inject a little testosterone into my life:

FUCK ALL OF YOU.
.
.
.
.
.
=)

(Ignore these little rubbishy kind of posts, they're stupid dumb jokes that I tell myself so I can laugh. At myself)

I am so bored. and grumpy and frumpy and pms-y. like totally.

Right. Must stop that. Esther points me out to her overseas friends and says "this one is gay", and they go "yeah can tell". ZZzzz. Which means everytime I walk down the street, probably someone is pointing at me and saying "that guy is damn gay". ZZZZzz. Very sadcase.

Frenzied scribblings made late at night.
When the body shouts for slumber,
But the mind screams out in protest.

To answer the blank:
I've always thought that in questioning the origin of emotion or feeling, we destroy the authenticity of that emotion.

Take for example the sensation of sweetness, and the ensuing feeling of pleasure derived from, lets say, nibbling a cookie. I love cookies. haha. Anyway, I discovered at six that the senasation of sweetness is nothing more than the simple activation of small little bumps on the tip of your tongue. A clever survival technique by your body to ensure an adequate intake of glucose into your body. I was distraught.

Even the language I'm using is so clinical and analytical.
Sweetness was no longer indulgence in pleasure, but a clever manipulation for survival.

Is it really necessary to know all that? To know that the gift of sweetness doesn't drop down from heaven like manna from God, but is a clever product of a never-ending evolutionary process? Sweetness no longer belongs exclusively to that yellow sweet liquid that is jealously guarded by bees, nor does it qualify as a term of affection to your loved one. It is food pushing buttons on your tongue.

In questioning why we feel, the sensation itself is compromised. Emotions are not experiments that can be subjected to the grind and tear ofobservation and replication. They are elusive, fleeting feelings that come and go at their whim, they were designed to elude reason. In trying to determine how emotions arise, we destroy the subtle act of allowing the feeling to wash over oneself. For to do so requires a cool precise and calculating mind, while to feel requires a passionate and warm heart.

And as such, feeling becomes induced, contrived. Instead of the circumstance and situation evoking the emotional response, we analyse the situation and select which emotional response is the most appropriate. Tears do not well up. They have to be cried. Just as laughter becomes hollow and contrived.

The cold analytical mind is the antithesis of emotion

True delight comes without reason.

I'm a leee-tle. tired. Chim-chim-uh-ney Chim-chim-uh-ney Chim-chim--uh-ney. I think thats from mary poppins.

Yixun I right rubbeeshleee all teh tiem neway. Wahts ur point? =)

But frankly I think I'm going to crash soon. Reading Bell Jar and all that imbues you with a sort of angst that's not very healthy.

Here I am clinging on to the hopeless ideals of a 12 year old. You think the one's really out there, drifting amongst the endless sea of listless faces and grimy bodies? In the hopelessly endless world where tragedy abounds, what makes you think that you are the lucky one whose life will blossom into a fairy tale ending. With your prince charming and what not coming for you on his stunning white stallion, whisking you off your feet to his pearly white castle where the grass is green and the girls are pretty?

Shi jie na lai zhe me duo yi shen yi shi.

Oh shit i'm becoming the ridiculous angsty teenage drama queen. Oh hear me world as I expound my sorrows. Tremble in the presence of my immense emotional suffering that crystallizes with the pain of puberty. Okay i'll stop here.

I think I need someone in my life.

If I could melt your heart
We'd never be apart

That song brought back alot of things. Opened the locked drawers of my mind.
I thought I had safely tucked you away. And it took only a song to bring you out again

Why is my post count forever stuck at 199.

Anyway. Been having fun for the past few days. Yay. Can survive without yixun. hahaha. I hope becky isn't like mad or anything cos i was being a troublesome twit trying to find someone else to sit with at snow queen. heh.

Oh damn funny. Cos i ended up sitting with hadri later, and i was supposed to meet firas they all later. Then I told firas i'd be a little late, cos i was with yixun and becky at snow queen. then firas msged back.

"NO MOLES"

Anyway snowqueen was quite entertaining. AC dramas always have lots of glitzy dances which are fun to watch. I really liked the first one with frozen. mhmm. Haha but me and hadri were damn scared of one of the narrators. No not laura. one of the other ones. hehe
Speaking of which. Daisy pulls it off is next year! come come. even though we haven't started anything yet. haha i might not even get to act lah. But nevermind. I don't know when it is just come. Okay? good.

The black devil is quite good when it smiles actually.

Oh i'm looking for a job. I went to macs today and asked how much it was there and they told me 3 bucks per hour. Haha if anyone knows of a job with slightlyyy fatter pay tell me. Otherwise you can visit me at king albert park. heh.

Things I shall put down here in case I forget:
JEANETTE WU YOU OWE ME LUNCH.
CHEE OWES ME 3 BRIEFS STILL.

I cannot sleep. I am damn bored too. Moomoo hear me whine.
Actually no not really. This post won't be me whining about my erratic insomnia and screwed up bio-clock that causes irregular sleeping patterns and an immense headache that sounds like there's drill works going on in my head.

No really.

I need a bit more of life. Now that everyone from soccer has been whisked off to India to build shiny white clinics amongst the multitudinous sea of black, I am left alone with nothing to do but speculate on what's going on between the pompous fat bastard and his *ahem* partner. I have nothing to do! I mean at least changwen will get a tan when he comes back. i'm sure some of india will have rubbed off on him. And even when he's not busy carrying bricks to build 4 walls for the clinic, he has my 1984 to read. I've read my freaking bookshelf once over again! Okay that was a little exaggerated.
Speaking of which. Why do they have to build a "clinic". Its not as if they're about to assemble and design all the medical stuff right. The most they could be doing is piling bricks to make 4 walls. Maybe painting it white. or blue. or green oryelloworpurpleornevermind. I mean how do they expect a group of about 50 to build a full fledged clinic in a few weeks?!
Ah wait. Its india.

I think i'm going out with uni and hadri in 12 hours time. That is if they show up. And if i have enoughmoolah to lend both of them and still have money to buy present for my mother and to pay for the snow queen and to go out for the rest of the week and to eat lunch and dinner and to money is never enough. I wish I had more of it.

I hear laura is dancing at snow queen. This should be interesting.

chee has also disappeared. maybe he's died in front of his computer. suffered a heart attack after a lina came up behind him and lagunabladed his guts out. my constant pleas for my briefs have gone unheard.

CHEE OWES ME BRIEFS. PREFERABLY WHITE BRIEFS. THREE CALVIN KLEIN BRIEFS. THREE BRIEFS WITH A LITTLE BUTTON-FLY HOLE. FALALALALA-LALALALA.

ZZzz.

Maybe I should go write an essay on why cows should wear bras.

ZZzz.

This post is junk. Maybe I should delete it.
Maybe not.

*click*

Okay okay. I changed the music. Inspired by one of those new diamond advertisements on TV. Funny how those ads always appeal to me.

I haven't been blogging much since my cable's been taking by the matron of the house. That would be my domineering mother who has hysterical self-righteous tendencies and decides that depriving me of my computer would be the most befitting and damning punishment for deciding not to go to church.

Now anyway. On to more interesting things.

I am the only one left in gay club. Yes one of our more fat and pompous members has made his debut in the couples arena. Tendering his most dramatic resignation at a certain restaurant in Wheelock, he is none other than... i don't really need to say actually. But of course, we foresaw this coming.

Oh actually there's still chee.

Who still owes me 3 briefs.

Okay haven't come here for very long.

Anyway, haven't been going out lately. Blasted specs that literally blew up on op day. Grrsh. Still haven't got them fixed, so have been glued to screen playing BG2 and grumbling about how my computer is so lousy. Same old Same old nothing new.

I bought and read and finished the bell jar. By sylvia plath. Its really vivid, you can imagine the whole thing up in your head down to the smallest detail. Quite insane too.

Right this is abit late. But thanks all who wished me happy birthday. Haha yeah you all made my day.
Uni and hadri for your pencilbox to replace the stupid cow i'm using. haha and changwen and yixun for the. um. shirts. hehe.

Anyway, still haven't had an opportunity to buy books yet. May go shopping with mother again soon. hahaha.

Whichever frumpot that is trying to kindly wash my tagboard for me, i thank you for your concerted efforts to hide from me whatever i need to know. But your efforts have been in vain, because to put it simply, I own the tagboard.

I wonder if there's such a word as frumpot. Hmm. I hope this isn't one of those "enervated" things again. *grumble*

Am bored. Should study for chinese but frankly don't care that much. Bah. Also haven't read any books. Aha thanks for the suggestions anyway, i'll make sure i look them up when i pop by kino. pinter, steinbeck and *ahem* monette. Of course i'll have to wait until i'm not broke. heh. May as well wait until the end of eternity.

I HAVE IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE. TOMORROW IS IMPORTANT DAY.

Okay today was nerve wrecking for 15 minutes. Which is always too much for a day.

Anyway, thank god for Mrs. Perry. Haha she helped me apply for Lit S even though I forgot to send her all the details. Ahaha damn funny.

Me: Hi Mrs Perry this is Tim. I'm sorry its so late but can I send you the details today
Perry: Well you can Tim, But I'm not sure if they'll be of any use
Me: Is it too late?
Perry: I'm not sure. I just got out of the meeting for the recomendations.

Or something along those lines. I had a shock. I nearly died. It was like last year all over again lah. Aha luckily she told me later that she did it all already.
Anyway. Shall resolve to be more responsible next year. No really really. Stop smirking. Bitches.

Oh went shopping for books today. You know in case I get the paper. IN CASE. I must add these disclaimers lest bitches like tanyixun start on how I was all geared up to do the paper and then never get. Like humans liddat.
So anyway. I came across these interesting books. Which at the moment I can't recall. Hmm. I think there was one by this Jose SOMETHING that looked quite interesting. And something by Milan Kundera which yixun's been raving about. And Sylvia Plath. Although I think that book doesn't quite qualify. But anyhow.
I'm looking to do maybe one classic and one not-so-well-known book. You know, dabble abit here dabble abit there. Recommend something if you drop by. Preferably one that won't unravel my poor brain. Even if i don't get Lit S they'll help to broaden my somewhat flower-bed-like and narrow perspective on life.

And even if it doesn't, at least it'll annul vacancy during the hols.

I think I shall fall in love with the girl in before sunset. Fall in love with all her realness, for all her controlled temperaments, all her shy expeletives, all her closet romanticism. For all her contradictions and paradoxes.

Ah its sad. Falling in love with a girl on screen.

I would walk on water
Just to be with you.
Split the ocean cross the sea
Walk on water
If you believe.

Okay lah hadri didn't eat. The poor thing just sat there while me and uni ordered a scrumptious meal of grilled fish with spaghetti, garlic bread, and soup. Actually he went up to check movie times for us. hahaha.

TELL ME I'M BEAUTIFUL never talked about OP day. A pity if you ask me. I thought she'd have alot to falsely credit herself for. Like "Oh intelligent me managed to answer the class' brainlessly stupid questions. LOLOLOL!!!!111!!1!1!".

Speaking of which. Whoever that is on my tagboard is hilarious. I suspect its hadri.

Oh I've forgotten to write down my experience as a statue. I know this is a little late. But its nevertheless one of those things I won't forget so I might as well blog it down.

Its a really fascinating experience. Funny when you're supposed to act still, the world's distractions multiply ten-fold. Of course it might be because there were these people who kept disturbing me, but really at the start I found it really hard to settle down. First there was Mr. Lai who came and put a sweet at my pelvic area, (probably to allude to the action of sucking, but nevermind) then there were other assorted innuendos of pain and whipping AGAIN (really its getting very tiring), etc. etc.

But at the same time it was liberating. Strange isn't it, when in actuality you're confined to keeping still. Makes you wonder about the irony of reaction, of being confined within response. I found myself being able to completely ignore people that I very much wanted to in real life, if only because telling them what they wanted to hear or acting the way they expected was too tiring. Its interesting, because at the beginning I had all these urges to react to people, to respond, to affirm. Yet after a while I realized that I didn't need to. The world didn't stop turning just because Tim didn't respond to someone. It wasn't armaggedon just because I didn't return irritating comments with a forced smile.

Perhaps it was like a blue slip to skip the homework of life.

But then I zonked out after a while. Perhaps not very eloquent, but for lack of better words. I just stared into space, and for a while, it seemed that what I saw, life in all its transience, was but a veil draped over my eyes. And somehow I felt that perhaps if I focused long enough, I could stare past the curtain and escape into a reality that could be so much more entrancing than this tedious masquerade.

And so I spent an hour trying to burn a hole. Through the curtain, with just my eyes.

The soul is willing but the flesh is weak. Unfortunately my piddly-stick-arms (as yixun puts it) felt like giving way after an hour plus of sitting in a reclining position. And as I stepped back into the blinding whirl of life, I felt a little regret as I let the solid constancy slip away.

So I don't recall much of what I saw. But it was enervating. In both actual and wrong usages

Went to town to eat with hadri and uni.

I think I decide you aren't even worth bitching about over here. An utter waste of space would be devoted towards a sadly unimportant runt.

Shall choose passion over pragmatism this time. Have learnt lesson from last year.

I'm lost confused and in a whirl.
This is a step I'm not willing to take. But this is a step that may liberate me. All my life I live within confines. Shape yourself to fit in the mold life throws you.
What do you know. Of the dark secrets within the light exterior. Of what goes on behind this ever smiling face. What exactly do you think I'm smiling at?

Hokay. Have thrown music into this place. Yes its really music. I kid you not.

Ladidum. B3 for GP. A little dissatisfied (always am) but makes the mark i guess. after all only need B3 for GP to do stuff anyway. Bloody compre. Give me 2 more marks also cannot. heh.

D for history. Oh well.

Now on to more interesting stuff. You may have pressed the glaring stop button on the right of this page to stop that awful goddamnit drumming noise, but if you haven't, thats unfortunately the kind of stuff i listen to sometimes. A poor reflection of my music tastes perhaps, but hey, it makes me happy and delirious. Jumping around in my room can be quite exhilarating sometimes. Especially when the com is a wreck, the cd-player has broken down, and the TV literally blew up two days ago. Yes I mean blew up. It when *BOOM* and there was a blinding flash of white and then the TV wasn't working anymore. Sucks I tell you.

Whatever life I had has just collapsed in decay. I mean all this was coming. Keep a com for 5 years, don't expect it to play anything decent in 5 years. Dump heavy books like lord of the rings (hardcover edition i might add) on top of the player, CD part confirm spoil lah. And TV. Well. They had when I was 5. I think. I've watched everything from sesame street to alias and friends on it. The thing has practically grown up with me, I feel a little sorry that its now constantly black and smells smoky.

Other snippets of interest. TRSQUARE strikes again. Do visit her for your daily dose of entertainment. I guarantee that you will exit her website with a totally new perspective on life. She has got to be the most amusingly pathetic and self-deluded person on earth.

AND BENJAMIN CHEN. I TELL YOU NOW. THE IT IS A HE. =)

Hokay. Have got back freaking results. Well not really all, just two of them actually. Maths is a C which is a relief. Although admittedly could be better. But am happy and content. One mustn't expect too much in RJ.
Econs is Low B. Am actually a little dissatisfied. Would have been happier with higher B/A of course. But that is stating the obvious. I hope I'm able to do S paper. Hope.
So as of yet. Dream of taking econs and lit S still not shattered. completely. thankfully. Sentences are short because self just woke up. Yes at freaking 1:40 AM. Suspect self to have problems with biological clock.

Anyway, yesterday was supposed to go umm. zouk. Then for fear of the evil malay bouncer who might retain the not-so-old-looking-me with a fake id we were then also supposed to go chijmes. so after meeting changwen and having dinner, we call the rest expecting to go down to chijmes and meet them. Instead we find that we have been jacked. whoohoowhoopeedoo.
Changwen was complaining how we looked ridiculously like a gay date. All through the rest of the night into the movie. hrmmpf.

Anyway while waiting for changwen I did something I haven't done in ages. I toddled around town before settling at borders, curling up into one of those delightful black couches they have, and read lordoftheflies. Which now that I read 4 chapters of it, I wished I'd done it for lit text last year or something. Something about that book strikes a chord with me.
It might be piggy.

In other news-
There is still spyware on this rotting wreck. =(

The word cruel is a strange word.
Say it. Feel it as the air scrapes the roof of your mouth. Observe how it rolls about in the mouth, the embracing of the lips before its final expulsion.
It is a repulsive word. Yet the final bit is somewhat mysterious. The way the tongue ends pointing suggestively upwards. It emnates a certain enigmatic quality about it.

Okay ignore that. I'm bored and rambling.

I think I shall change the pic of my blog. Time for a new demotivator.

I am tired but I will not despair.
I believe that if you keep saying no you will get what you want in the end. So I say now, I refuse. And I will continue refusing until the ends of time and the sky turns an angry purple. Even if the world is to be trapped in the oppressive darkness for all eternity, I would still refuse.
Submission is the true defeat.
Even a hopeless rebellion has spirit.

I shall write my thoughts on 2046. Later. If ever. It is an interesting show, but I maintain that I dislike it. Probably because I refuse to identify with it. Eliot is so much more comforting. Pity she was wrong about the world.
Has pretty fancy camerawork though. Is starting to understand why the flipping movie took 5 years. Lots of attention to detail in it.

In retrospect, I've decided that I need to find ways to express anger/displeasure at anything. I have extremely unhealthy ways of doing this, ranging from acute bitching to holier-than-thou bitching to cold aloof bitching. All of which entail the word bitching. Vindictively gashing new wounds with words. Cannot be good if you ask me. Please don't suggest forgiveness, I am very forgiving. It may precisely be due to the conflict between this innate desire to forgive and the mental rational reminder of the need for deterence and self preservation that may have lead to this unhealthy method.

Either of which the offender owes me for anyway.

If you're coming here looking for a comment or a defense for what you've read, go away. There's nothing to be said. I won't fuel your entertainment.

If you're looking for entertainment in other areas, however, may I direct you to TRSQUARE'S blog. Specifically the entry dated right after she speaks in a not-so-subtle suicidal tone. It would appear to be deja vu, but note the date. Yes, she has repeated her folly not once, but twice, in perpetuating the image that she is at the top of her class.

Pitiful, poor, pathetic creature.

Ah yes I am a hypocrite. *shrug*

Anyway promos have been relatively okay. Econs is looking good actually.
ALthough I predict tmrw I will just flop and die like a cow on a kite. that didn't make sense. nevermind.

Must go back to vietnam.
Chualalongkong awaits.


There's something vaguely wrong with those two statements. I just can't put my finger on it.

Woe betide me.
I need better friends. :(

Oh yeah.
Rumours was really hilarious. I went to watch it with tanyixun and we were 15 minutes late and i was damn scared we wouldn't be let in. Which would really suck having paid 16 dollars for it. Haha but it was really hilarious, abit slapstick at certain points but very british-arts-central-on-thursday-night kind of comedy. A nice way to end the first exam week

Whoopeedoo.
I'm quite delighted. I found the maths paper fine. Fine as in like, I could attempt almost all the questions. which is good, is good.
Anyway, promos so far have been quite uplifting. prospects are looking good. perhaps lady luck has returned. GP was good. Although I didn't get the freaking web thing. I thought it was a little far-fetched actually, I mean a spider-web? Web can be used in many other ways, such as a network what. Ah well. But I think I wrote a reasonable essay, tried and tested, since I've done a similar one before. Promos is no time for experimentation. My melodrama essay on materialism flopped badly before, and I wasn't about to try and find out if I could make it better this time when I had other options.
PC was infuriating in a sense that I didn't manage to write all that I wanted. And on the trip home I took out the poem and decided that there was EVEN more I wanted to write down. But I hope what I wrote was good enough. Ah well.
Econs was fine. Good enough for me. Chee SOUNDS like he may get S paper. But then we'll have to wait and see. Speaking of which that bitch owes me 10 dollars. And I owe him alot of whacks.
Maths I've said already.
ahh good good. Now we'll just have to wait for the next week and then this will all be over.

Yixun please lend me BG2. Its time I regressed to a no-life gamer like you. :)

Everyday I learn something new. =)

I was going to blog something.
But I think sophia's blog says it all. It struck me that that too is how I feel. She's put it just so aptly. And its sad. You may think its presumputuous of me to say so. that the inadequacy I feel is only to be expected of my calibre.
Talking to yixun makes me feel like that too sometimes. (haha i'm not trying to make you feel guilty, i know better than to bother to attempt that). The inadequacy. That I cannot just dump maths and focus on something like lit. That considering how much I struggled against arts initially, I accepted it, but when I tried to pursue it, I fell. Providence has not favoured my performance this year. I may have very well bored my brains out in science. But I was streamed to arts, and on acceptance of that I tried to pursue the humanities, but was denied that too. Perhaps lady luck shall end her mischief with the denial of my S paper, her last grand finale. Or perhaps she shall return for an encore next year, and then I will be stuck in Singapore, doing NS as a PR, and preparing for the dismal life in NUS. The dismal possibilites are endless. It is saddening.

Who am I, so small and insignificant, to climb uphill against fate. All our hopes and struggles, they just bleed into wash. The hard work never seems worthy in the face of failure

Despair has set in. As if it wasn't enough to shatter my hopes and dreams into a million pieces, reality has to come crashing down and grind them into fine dust. Dust that will be blown away, leaving nothing but a barren empty shell.

It cannot end like this!

Ah, but it will.

She's right. Its no use musing. No one will believe me. I have, after all, consigned myself to this fate.

It is indeed regrettable. An abhorrent act actually.
But truthfully. It is enough that a person should reject another that she has been giving false signals to. That at least can be attributed to confusion. Or an insecure mind. Either of which may only be human.
But to deny it as though it were totally non-existent. To attempt at self-vindication AND to progress on to other unwitting prey. That is downright irresponsible, and smacks strongly of hypocrisy.
It is indeed regrettable.

Do forgive the holier-than-thou tone of this entry. Its one of my mechanisms to express displeasure though. the other is inarticulate bitching.

tonite's a pissed offf nite. i dun really care wtf abt my rships. but i hate to c ppl mistreating my frens. when you fucking jack my fren off for another guy. bloody hell not lyk she's damn chio or aniting. wth does he wan her for. tmd. now he's sad over the whole thing n arghhh. somemore keep denying it when i ask her. haha i dun care wth she does now at ALL. but why go play arnd wif my fren. wat a bitch. tim agreesss tooooo.
firstly go tok shit abt me to everybody. nvm its me, so i dun care. but YOU dun go hurt MY fren's feelings. you cockshit. i wasss blinddd but nvmmmm. stillll go tok shit to everybody. nb

tonite's a pissed offf nite. i dun really care wtf abt my rships. but i hate to c ppl mistreating my frens. when you fucking jack my fren off for another guy. bloody hell not lyk she's damn chio or aniting. wth does he wan her for. tmd. now he's sad over the whole thing n arghhh. somemore keep denying it when i ask her. haha i dun care wth she does now at ALL. but why go play arnd wif my fren. wat a bitch. tim agreesss tooooo.
firstly go tok shit abt me to everybody. nvm its me, so i dun care. but YOU dun go hurt MY fren's feelings. you cockshit. i wasss blinddd but nvmmmm. stillll go tok shit to everybody. nb

haha me n tim finally break even selling shirts...ttz if no one backs out tmr. not bad man. we had abt 4k of capital. we cleared everything. even though we didn't earn our projected profit of abt 2k, i suppose when we do clear everything it'll be arnd 1.5k la. which isn't too bad for wat we've been doing. after all i get many free stuff too. n learn lots of logistics shit. altho tim's a uselesss bummer hahahha. nah .
bio's a bitch. farking thick
Enzyme Helicase unwinds the DNA chain. Single Strand binding protein then stabilizes it, holding it apart for replication to take place. RNA Primase then works on the DNA template, synthesizing a RNA primer, which DNA polymerase III then lenghtens by adding free nucleotides to the chain in the 5 - 3 direction( of the new strand). DNA polymerase I then replaces the RNA in the RNA primer with DNA. Okazzaki fragments are formed and are joined together by DNA Ligase in the antiparallel strand.
haha powerful mugging today. thx thx

Aha it struck me that the last post looked like a poem.
*shrug*. Its just accidental.

Anyway really. All this unwonted attention is really your fault changwen. If you hadn't been advertising yourself on the back of every bus 100 going something about "small dick but very experienced call ********" I swear you wouldn't have had so many opportunities to divert gays towards me.

Grrsh. Studying not going well. As of today.
History - Zero. Zilch. Nil. This is a confirm C.
Econs - Why did Oli not go JC? Cos Oligopoly! Aha. Courtesy of Tiff/Clara.
Maths - Differentiation, Complex Numbers (A+B). Half Trigo (A)
Lit - Still not finished Silas Marner. Zero Othello.

Holy shit. And here I am hoping for a Lit S. SHIT.

yawn promos are coming. this sucks. haha thanks to chee, tim n a grp of other assholes, i've spent 4 hours a day for the past 2 weeks DOTAing. incase ppl duno wtf tt means, it means spending your precious time in front of a shitpile computer playing wc3. damn but its fun though. argh. haha actually i just realised that you can finish studying a whole year's work in a day. it just depends how focused you are.

timmy's a lucky man. he's the attention of the gay community in singapore. there's a buzz going arnd that he gives the best blows. wow wow. its no wonder why gays have been hailing from all ends of singapore just to meet up with him, and pray with great anticipation that he might agree to fufill their most perverse wishes. recently he has received an avg of 2 calls from gays a day. thats not bad, for a begineer gay. he claims he rejects their advances and doesn't meet up wif em, but i see the glint of desire and longing in his eyes when he talks abt his gay encounters. Oh well....since the gals tim likes cmi, i suppose its time for him to move on in life and go after....well...ppl who're more like him i suppose. good luck tim. may the best gay win.

today's soccer game was gayed....i got injured after 13 mins. f man. so i wanted to be keeper. but you cano't really be a keeper if you can't move. so i let 2 goals in. n eveyrone wanted to kill me. i'm soooo sorry ppl. sigh.and i DOTAED AGAIN WTF. haha i can't walk properly now dammit. my knee's gged.

life's so boring now. its full of crap. playing games, studying. argh. i need to start making my bombs n stuff. spice up my life, and maybe someone's bag can haf a nice hole in it aswell. oh oh i gotta start to be a bettterrr guy. time to go to church tmr. after all there's great scenery there. ok just one great scenery. makes the trip worthwhile.
its better to have loved and lost than not to have loved. i wonder how true this statement is man...

This has proven to be most damaging.
Its here once again. Self inflicted pain.
You always get in things that harm you.

This really shouldn't happen. Its all over again. What will I do with myself.

These gaping wounds, self-inflicted,
serve not as scarlet warnings
but fond, rosy reminders...
bittersweet memories of brushes with you.
And a crimson hope
that the next will be less painful

My life just runs in circles. There's no escaping fate.

I am very happy with meself.
I am seeing things about Silas Marner. Finally its abit like last year. Yay Yay happy happy.
Lucidity has struck me like an invisible wand. I plan to ride on it till promos.

Oh and me being a freemarket was really amusing. Sigh. Thats the kindof conversation i used to have last year. Incorporated subjects with fun. And in the process always learning. Sounds abit cliche, but yeah. I remember the stupid incidents and memories i used to remember stuff in exams.

I am a very fuzzy person. Heh. Recently i tried to recall someone's face. Failed miserably, needless to say, I could get the general impression, but once i tried to focus on the more exact positions and ratios, it all fell into static. The eyes kept shuffling and the mouth elongated and yeah. In the end it sort of fell into another person's general impression.

Whicn interestingly points out that I can really remember no one's face distinctly. If i try to construct them out of my mind it just comes out distorted.

It is no wonder.

words words words words. I'm losing touch. I can no longer convey what I want to say. Or employ words with economy. I only stumble around, groping in the darkness, never hitting the mark. Poignant is not a word i would use to describe my current state of writing.

Oh and Kevin's poems are nice. now that is using words to truly convey what you want to say. so many undercurrents below the surface metaphor. haha much better than reading that verbose BC's stifled attempts to appear intelligent by using bombastic words for the SAKE of using bombastic words. hahaha.

I am highly distressed.
And it is not because of promos.
Laichangwen, hadri and matin will be the death of me one day.

Now. On to better and less gruesome issues.
I want to buy SENS' album. Yes its classical. Yes its japo-shit as well. But I still like it. Its nice, simplistic yet powerful. I like things like tt.
Unfortunately my previous resolution has somewhat failed. Miserably I might add. Since the last post, I have chalked up a debt of approximately 15 dollars. I might attribute this to the unexpected cost of the Woman Warrior which robbed me cruelly of 16 dollars. However I will not make excuses for my inability to manage my finances. Yixun says, i spend 120% of my income. Even if my parents gave me 100 dollars a week i'd spend 120. Thankfully its only 50 now. hahaha.

SO therefore album will have to wait for very long. Unless i can conjure two ten dollar notes out of thin air. Which I believe would be a very handy skill given my current situation.

I am starting to type like BC. hmm.

I cannot.
Well its true. I lose. I always lose. The way I play, its no surprise I lose after all. This game, I'm just a pawn in a world of kings.
I don't understand how my world-view evolved. Its utterly stupid yet I can't change it. This kind of thinking is the naive thinking you see in childhood stories or Enid Blyton. But really, what influence could possibly have led me to uphold this world view even when everything around me screams otherwise?
Weakness. Its no surprise that I used to dream of just flying off somewhere and just farm. Yes farm. I remember telling my parents that, they told me if you farm you'll never get a tv or a computer or a playstation etc. etc. Things that meant alot when I was 12. I said that if I didn't know it I wouldn't want it. Hah. How village-esque.
I don't know. Have I become so inculcated with these values that i'm trapped in the very weakness they laud? The meek shall inherit the earth indeed. heh.
Clever isn't it. They start on you from young. How roundabout the bible can be sometimes, to trap people in their way of thinking. Subtle mind control at its best. Well at least it points in the general direction of good.

Don't you see. I was never meant to play this game.

okay the million and one color crazy posts have disappeared
And i've changed the music to the relief of many i think.
And spots are sprouting on my forehead. I think i hang out too much with chee.

From today. No more bimbotic colourful posts. But more importantly,

From today: I am NOT going to owe anyone munny. I pay my debts all back by this week.

Hmmm.
Lets see.
Moved on for Silas munner. by. umm. hmm. 1 chapter
Moved much more for econs i believe. At least i hope. Lets see. Umm. Hmmm. Somewhere around Time Factor for Elasticity now. Thats... 4 chapters. Yay!
History still stands at 0.
Must put in red letters to remind self.
Maths still stands at 3/4 complex number tutorial. I lied the last time round. hahaha.

I am rediscovering colours today. Whee
How fun.

Does this mask in with my background?

How silly of me.
To maintain solidarity. To believe i wouldn't change. To think that i'd weather it all.
No more futile than the desperate fluttering of leaves that fall inevitably to the ground.
I cannot conquer the ephemerality of this world.

Anyway. I'm deciding that perhaps my father isn't as blockheadedly stupid as i thought. Although it really is quite silly to think that, him being a lecturer and all. But anyway yeah. He saw me reading Silas Marner and suddenly he passed me 3 books, Dubliners by James Joyce, Selected Poems by TS Eliot and Collected Poems and Plays of Rabindranath Tagore. I was like "oh my goodness you've read all this". haha. To think a mathsy person like him would read this kind of thing.

So anyway I tried to read them. Keyword here being tried. Its really really really beyond me. Haha. But anyway, flipping through them really revamped my view of him. Its interesting. It would appear that at one point in time he really was quite interested in lit. Hmm. And maybe perhaps we weren't as different as we thought.

Or perhaps its all just a cycle. Maybe as I toddle through my life, I walk in my father's footsteps, drawing parallels I never even knew existed. A circle so immense we only see the tangents.

Lets see. Things I have purchased over the past few days:

1. One (1) Economics by John Sloman. Currently still in plastic wrap and looking pretty.
2. One (1) Da-Vin-Ci Code by Dan Brown. Bought on Monday, finished by Tuesday.
3. One (1) Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom. What kind of surname is Albom anyway. HI MR. ALBOM. Hmm nevermind.

Anyway if you know reading the da-vinci code always inspires people to start blogging about how reading it is very faith-testing and etc. etc. Therefore. I am happy to say that as a rather infrequent church goer, it has done little to impact my faith. Shaky and somewhat non-existent as it is already. Ah well. But even if I were to revert back to about two years ago, it wouldn't have done much. I mean, I'd agree with what the book says, those that really understand their faith believe in the meaning more than the metaphors. I mean really. I never managed to swallow the eucharist bit down my throat. And the other idiosyncratic rituals of the church. But i've really found some of the principles quite appropriate. They're quite good principles to live by. I mean, yeah. Some of them have got me this far. Perhaps doctrine isn't always a bad thing sometimes. If you can pick out the stuff that was originally based on the intent, and the stuff that's just put there to make it look like doctrine. Or perhaps this is just the result of me reading Silas Marner closely the past few days.

Oh yes. Update on my studies: (This is really just more for me to keep track than to upset those of you feeling idyllic and lazy)

1. Re-read Silas Marner up to Chapter 3. Annotating like mad-dick. Will link everything to formation of belief from now on, no matter how remote it may sound.
2. One (1) Complex Numbers Tutorial 10b
3. One (1) Chapter of Economics by John Sloman (Namely Introduction to Economics)
4. Umm. ey shit lah i'm sure i did more than just that.

Oh well.

Baby you're gonna drive me crazy
Falling in love is easy
Stay by my side.

oh OH! speaking of which. i googled vyna's name. and this came out. hoohoohoo hilarious.
http://ideology.freeservers.com/nazi/vyna.htm

i woke up at 12:30 again. haha the bio clock is goned lah. goned. GG-ified.

Aiyah tired. Aha i forgot to do the test on econs remedial day. shit lah. nevermind if i drop by school tmrw i'll do it.
Anyway today marks the start of the mug like fuck week. Haha that changwen and yixun were talking abt going overseas then when they came to me they were like... er... see his promo results. Which is quite fair lah. SO MUST MUG LIKE FUCK.
Anyway today i finished a grand total of. hmm...

1. ONE complex numbers notes
2. Umm.

Oh shit this won't do. Perhaps i should read a chapter of Tarling.

And changwen i thought you were studying in changi. Isn't hwachong like opposite end of the island?

Today is clearly a day of new stuff. Hwa Chong is a damn fun place! i went there wif jem lee n i met chris ho there. then tt crazy asshole took a fire extinguisher n sprayed it. it was how blardey fun n i joined in wif him den i pressed tooo hard i tink....n the damn thing couldn't stop spewing powdery shit. so in the end i left it in the stairwell n ran away. hahahahha the powder was drifting out of the windows lyk the stairs were on fire!
Clearly that isn't enuff fun. so we took another extinguisher n ran out of hwachong. we then went to first avenue there n sprayed everywhere. we wanted to spray 2 fat fierce ugly black dogs, but decided agianst it as the owners were in. we sprayed the drain all white wif powder hahaha.den we finally left it on n put it into a dustbin. GG to the person who opens it.

oh well today esther left for UK. i can c why she's sad cos she's leaving all her frens behind n everything. but seriously speaking, its only for 3 mths. Frenships last much longer than that, n she's still connected to the real world by so many means of communication. Fones? internet? She'll be coming back so all of you dun be sad! n you too Esther! haha today has made me super determined. i'm gona mug damn blardey hard to go overseas for studies. coz my parents cant afford to send me! when i'm leaving i'll be sooo happy to try out a new way of life n maek new frens. sad yes...possibly. but it'll soon go away.

If I was god. Sitting up there watching the world. With the knowledge of eternity, and all his omnipresence
Damn I'd find the world funny. Funny yet pitiful.
Its all so ironic sometimes. So futile. So stupid. All our struggles just bleed into wash with time.

HADRI. Its not my fault i listen to a wide range of music. haha. including "japo shit". I mean, just cause TR^2 likes it doesn't mean its not niceee~

Anyway esther's party was okay. haha. didn't know everyone there so just hung out with changwen yixun marcjo and kevin lee and graeme they all. hahaz. quite extraa.
haha. we were playing with the helium balloons also. besides the BEE incident. OH and that becky lost her fone.

shit tmrw have to pack for rp. or today. oh whatever.

ARGH....i'm so stupid.when i got stung by a stinking bee in esther's house. they told me to go catch it n i tot it was a flying ant. how the hell i know its a real stupid stinking blackyelow bee. so i juz grabbed it wif my hand n tt fagging thing stang me lyk crap. the stupid sting was left in my thumb n it hurt lyk hell. now its swollen n it feels lyk a sprained my thumb real bad. haha aniwae i hope esther enjoyed her self in the party n everyone too.
haha good thing i can use tim's blog. he's gay. i'm blogging for fun. coz i'm sleepy n tired n nothing to do. yawn.
N mel koh clearly has too mcuh time to go to town n watch movie wif tim n den go home. haha i bet those 2 haf smth going on. not surprising. mel koh looks lesbian. no wonder she'll fall for timmy.

I wish Leonard Lim were teaching me again. Hah. When we all scored 23/25 and were content sitting on our bums and thinking lit was freefrag.

Now I'm sitting here. Wondering how on earth all this alliteration and rhyming aids with the poem. Whatever happened to simpler metaphors and imagery that I could easily link to the message? Lit's almost like a phonetics class now that wilfully eludes me.

Now I just feel so woefully inadequate. Sometimes I wish I understood more.



On a side note: Perhaps a facade really is quite a good judgement of one's character. Its very presence indicates something, what more the nature of the facade could very well reflect the opposite traits of a person. Hmm. What a self-defeating purpose.

Perhaps i ought to correct my sleeping cycles.
Like not sleeping at 7 and waking up at 12. And now procceeding to type out two essays.
Oh well. I'm bizzare.

Haha but really. Monday chuin and mel handed me another things-to-change-about-tim list. Haha its quite funnie. But it got me thinking if I really should change. I mean I wouldn't disagree with most of what they say, hell my hair definitely needs a haircut and yeah the way i behave really could change. Could. But should it?

I'm always quite against any sort of major change. Because while the present situation may not be perfect, its alot more certain than anything i can see beyond a change. Applies to everything as well in fact. I mean everything's so fragile, being delicately balanced on other things. And sometimes we don't even see the connections between them. A change in one can and often results in the most chaotic upsets in the current situation. Could be for the better. But sometimes you can't predict the most remote of changes. And those changes could ironically sometimes affect those closest to your heart.

Funny isn't it. For someone who likes trying new stuff.

Bah. I puzzle myself sometimes. Guess I'm really quite bizzare.

But really. I wouldn't have myself any other way.

How does one tell what is true in a world where everything is kept under wraps. What do you really know, and how much of what you know is simply what others want you to know? I don't know. I'm just feeling a little hollow and tired. Wondering whats the point, since I don't really know where i'm stumbling to and what i'm achieving. All these viewpoints, all these perceptions, all these stands. How do you strike out on your own when you must concede to the infallible logic of others? And when impeccable logic collides, where will you be? Perhaps it is wiser to be stubborn and stick to one, blocking out all others regardless of whether you can identify with them or not. But if you can identify with it, you can never truly block it out can you?
So where do I stand? Individuals all think in different ways, I stand in different places, but the question is, where do I think I stand? And who am I to say, under the crushing pressure of everyone's hidden judgement. Overjudge yourself, and their concealed perception will think you arrogant. Underjudge yourself, and they gather that you are fishing for compliments. Both ways are fallacious. The real challenge is to know where you stand, not to sway to either extremes. But how does one pinpoint where. Is there even a precise point as to where? The line is blurred by the drawing of many.
I guess what they say is true. Its so hard to judge yourself. Or perhaps this is yet another case of being so open minded my brains have fallen out.

Haha. Just came back from PPP.
was. hmm. okay i suppose. but well. we all packed by 11.
Can't break the legacy sometimes.

heh thank god smriti gave me that last bowl man. otherwise damn stoned.
haha. had to sleep at mark's place cos. yeah. couldn't quite go home in this state.
Still am rather impaired. See length of sentences.

You know how phones sort out which words you use most often, and then let them be displayed first when there are a number of possible words for that number combination?

Well. Its a little sad and amusing.

When i press 766 while i'm messaging.
and the word that comes out isn't SON


but PON.

And now, to prove lijun's theory.

Let P be the statement:
Girl Yixun Fancies = Baby-face.

Prove P1 is true
LHS: Girl Yixun fancies = Mel Koh
RHS: Baby-face = Mel Koh

LHS = RHS, P1 is true.

Assume Pk is true, i.e. #k Girl Yixun Fancies = Baby-face
Want to prove tt Pk+1 is true, i.e.: #k+1 Girl Yixun fancies = baby-face

Sub 14 year old chiobu into Pk (refer to yixun's blog for proof)

Pk+1 = #k+1 Girl yixun fancies
= 14 year old girl yixun fancies + 1
= 15 year old girl yixun fancies
= Girl he thought was quite cute and interviewed him
= Baby-face (LHS = RHS, Pk+1 is true)

Thus by mathematical induction, girl yixun likes = baby-face.

By algebric manipulation, bringing "girl" and "likes" over, we get:
yixun = likes baby face girl

Recalling the definition:
likes baby girl = paedophile

Sub definition into (yixun = likes baby face girl)
yixun = paedohile face.

Ah well. Lysistrata's over.

Anyway, hope the audience liked it. Haha especially friday. Stupid skirt. But i think we put up a better performance on saturday, although it wouldn't have seemed that way at the start. But whatever.

Its kind of sad. That its over. I'm not very coherent today thus the short sentences. To think that all this started when smriti told me to audition saying "tim you're funny you can be yourself!". But anyway, really i'm happy that i've gotten a chance to act in the play, not just for the experience of acting, but for the people i've gotten to know. People like mike and ranon, like claudia and vaish. And the directors, kelly and vid and shirin. And of course those i already know like zhong, and hadri and smriti especially. haha thank god for hadri and smriti. they make dreary rehearsals so much more tolerable. But really, this is something i've never done before, and its really been a most enriching experience. yes i know that sounds awfully cliche, but like i said i'm not very coherent now.

Aha i liked the notes the directors gave us on saturday. maybe should give them smth back.

HMm. been busy with lysistrata lately. haven't had time to blog. let me recall briefly events.

Had my legs forcefully waxed. By changwen and yixun and matin. Horrible people i tell you, they pin my leg down in the canteen and proceed to just slap on wax strips like nobody's business liddat. So yes, if you notice i have one shiny leg when i'm wearing that pseudo-sarong-skirt-like thing for lysistrata, yah you'll know why.

Also, am about to get suspended probably. I don'tknow, i'm quite scared. 9 white slips, by the pupil handbook, is a suspension. Haha that ms koh finds it damn funny though. I told her i got 9 and she asks me if i've had "tea with the VP yet" and bursts out laughing. But anyway. I don't know if the school really is inhumane enough to suspend me for being LATE (which is where majority of my white slips come from, the bitch vyna doesn't appreciate my efforts to avoid the system and come after 8+ so as to elude the malay teacher taking down names of those who are late), but i really hope not. The system isn't perfect, its clear when someone gets suspended for being late that adhering religiously to it is simply not the way to go. Yeo recognized that if i'm not wrong.

Which reminds me that we must get yeochinghunn back. This vyna-mina-shit of a CT doesn't care about our class. What happens to our class is probably the last of her priorities, and as ajay eloquently puts it, she doesn't care what happens outside the 40 minute tutorial. In fact, even WITHIN the 40 minute tutorial she doesn't care, which is clearly seen in the way she always loses patience and throws tantrums when we fail to understand her somewhat incomprehensible and poorly delivered tutorial. The class is nothing more than a tool for her to manipulate and abuse so that the school will think she's doing a wonderful job as a white slip dispenser and is instilled with discipline and responsibility. Its really quite disgusting. That she would be so happy to send me to the VP, and so happy to sign more white slips when I come for her tutorial even though i could have skipped it, since i as marked absent. Its preposterous. Well, I wonder how her brain works anyway, having a student in her CT group suspended really isn't a good way to start off her term.

Veluri also showed us the university admission forms. Aha I think she's really good now. She teaches well, she clearly bothers enough to educate us on what teachers look out for in their recomendations, and she's quite funny and animated. Its silly of me to make a big hoo-haa over the moron thing. Its just her way after all, its part of her whole animated and comical character.

Anyway, the university admission forms basically say that you have to be perfect. Not only must you be enthusiastic and hardworking, you must also get along with your friends well, and be popular, and basically impossibly perfect. Heh and i don't think we can trust this vyna-thing to write these admissions. She'll probably think that she's showing such integrity and responsibility by under-grading all of us. Haha tiff was saying that we'll probably all get our "no-basis" boxes ticked anyway. Especially me since i don't come to class. hahaha.

My leg is damn sore and raw now.
Whatever hair i had on it has been reduced by half.

hahahaha.
Hadri i'll kill you.

Hahahaha
Today mark was sleeping on the couch at kitson's house. haha. then we took a marker and drew all over his face! hahahaha. kitson took a million and one photos, i'll post them up later when he gets them.

Anyway changed the music. Again. Jet's over-played.

Hello.
I am tired. Its 11:47PM and i'm typing out PW. I also have one compre (inclusive of APQ), one APQ on top of that, a little conclusion to add for my silas marner essay.

And thats just the homework i PLAN to do.

Which is probably why i'm blogging. Since i'm so freaking flustered (yay alliteration). Speaking of artsy-fartsy shit, come watch the RP production Lysistrata on next next friday! (that is not this friday, the friday next week). Its a play about women who decide to deprive their husbands of sex so as to coerce them into making peace so that they can finally satisfy their urges. Unfortunately, the women also encounter some difficulties, namely sex-starvation *gasp*! Who will last in this game of abstinence? FIND OUT on friday. Buy tickets from anyone in rp. Price currently undetermined but will probably be 6 dollars

My blog's turning more and more into commercial grounds.
Hmmpf. I should be paid for advertising here.

I'm sick again. Damned hammers in my head.
Had rehearsal today. Jireh is good lah. hah. you really see everything start to piece together and materialize when he's around. Hope he gets to our scene soon. Although acting in front of him must be unnerving. Really unnerving.
Anyway, i watched the village! which really isn't scary at all. in fact its quite nice at the end. when you figure out the little symbolisms and interesting cinematography. Like how the fear of red, being the colour of blood and guilt, signifies the elders' desire to retain innocence. Or at least thats what i think. good food for thought. Although my head was already pounding. Really didn't need all of that to worsen it.

Please let me help.
Its all i can do.

Haha. i heard this over the radio. and i nearly fell over laughing. might take a few minutes to load first though.
enjoy.

Ah shit the bazaar's finally over. haha this isn't good. we stand at a deficit of 1.5k. Which is quite a fuckload.
Anyway, i went back to ri. To watch dramafeste of course. haha mainly to watch hadri act lah. As Madam Kamariah. Haha it was damn funnie. Thank goodness i went. Otherwise i'd be wallowing in sorrow all day about the stinking money i am going to lose by september.
Oh yeah. gratz hadri. you were wonderful. stealing the limelight and all. and gratz hullett. and ajay's brother who is such an endearing little child.
I'm not going to go on a nostalgic rant about ri. Because really. Its all over. Times change, people change, now so must everything change.
But can't i keep a little at least?

Anonymous: What would you know about the little world I lived in? It's a pity that you're so superficial that you would proudly make such a remark. If to grow up is to be superficial i'd really rather not.
Keep your realistic world

Dear please leave your name too next time. Live up to your supposed maturity and 'consciousness' of reality, don't cower in cyberspace.

Hah. talking with hadri and smritti always leads to deep intellectual social-lamenting discussions.  Although the words "hadri" and "intellectual" are in fact polar opposites.  However talking was good.  There is a problem.  We have to identify it.

It cannot be all dandy and happy.  There cannot be no problem.  If there was no problem we wouldn't be missing ri, missing our old classes, and basically not wanting to come to school. There is a problem.  A problem that impedes you from coming to school, a problem that entices you to skip class, a problem that demands non-commitment and superficiality.

A problem that has changed people.  For worse mostly.

I was never able to identify with the high school culture before.  Never.  I thought the whole idea of this cliques, outcasting, and the general meaness associated with it was an wholly American thing.  And i thought that was why the Americans were all so stupid, they were busying politiking around in high school that they never had time to actually use their brains in class.  After all, a class used to mean that everyone in it was your friend.  That everyone in it was accepted generally, and while some were closer to others, it was generally possible and easy to hold conversation and tell jokes with ease.

A class meant the people you ate lunch and watched movies with.

It never mattered if you were fat. Or stupid. Or lame. Or looked funny. Your class accepted you. Period.  Granted, there were the occasional arguments, the fights, the bitching, but generally speaking, all that could arise only with the underlying consciousness of the friendship, and that it would all blow over.  Because in the end, it was your class.  All that fighting and arguing and bitching was precisely because it was your class.

What is it now?

The great divide isn't a good thing.   There is no one class. There are two factions.  Which really shouldn't be the case.

Yet I am as guilty of it as you are.

We all have our idiosyncrasies after all.  Some may be more tolerable than others, some less.  I'd like to think though that most of us carry good intentions within our heart.  And I've always hoped that that was truly enough.  Enough for you to be accepted.

But the problem doesn't see it that way.

The problem, the culture. It encourages immediate judging by appearances.  Which is really quite lamentable.  I mean ostracizing, as a form of punishment, or at least a way to express a certain unhappiness or dislike for a behaviour that is distinctly wrong is somewhat acceptable i feel.  I cannot fault tsus for that.  But ostracization as a form of division, a way to delineate the social orders and class is despicable.

I don't know.  When were there that many outcasts in RI? In fact, you could count them with your two hands.  Perhaps one.  How is it that in RJ, supposedly a continuation of RI, there is a massive boom in the number of them?
It is such that there is always an underlying fear of commiting social suicide.

We really should do something.  I don't know. Something.  It doesn't have to be drastic and transform the class into utopia.  But it should at least turn it into a civil, polite and cordial society that we all once knew classes to be.  I'm not saying this as an observation of one event. It is widespread within the problem.  The culture.

I am as guilty as you.  Perhaps it is time we made amends.

and You. we don't need you. really. You are the source of all animosity and malice that expresses itself on your very face. 

We'd be hard pressed to find another chinese teacher as patient and understanding as her.
I feel a bit guilty.  Since i'm really the main culprit, always skipping her classes and not doing her work.  Its quite hypocritical in a sense, since i really find her to be one of the best chinese teachers i've ever had.
Perhaps a bit was an understatement.

And vyna has brought the word irritating to new heights once again.  Today she tried to bitch to mel about me.  And asked her whats wrong with me cos i was sleeping in class.  Ah whatever.  I really hope chinghunn comes back and takes us for next year.  Because i don't know what shit testimonial she's going to write for me.

Speaking of which i haven't gotten my o level certs yet. Hmm.

isn't it ironic. that someone supposedly as emotional and whatevernot as me is so inadequate at these things.  yixun when you're in a better mood and read this, i'm sorreh for not being able to say nething to make you feel better. 

Aha okay zach. will try harder. hahaha.
and hadri. haha for the millionth time. The guardian of truth and liberty is NOT going to step on me just because i said that.

Anyway. one more white slip and you all won't have to see me in school anymore. aha. crap i felt quite shitty today. must have been quite a bitch in the wee hours of the day. haiz. Okay so what happened was that bitch stephen chin called me in the wee hours of the morning to go see him over my late coming. which i honestly have to admit was really a little over the top. haha. and really, if he had been remotely CIVIL about it i would have little to say.
So okay at first we went to see him during chengtju's lesson, and then he's not in. AS USUAL. i've been "supposed" to see him for 3 times before this, and he's never in. busy doing what i'm not sure.
Anyway, so meanya brings me trudging up to the hall where stephen chin is. because his indian secretary says he's up frolicking in the hall and grinning sadistically as e-ching tries to brief the J2s with that horrendous accent of hers.
And stephen chin sees me and goes "timothy right?" and sneers at me. which gets me irritated enough already. so he says "lets go to my office" all the while sneering at me, while i wonder what other intentions he may have in mind.
So halfway down the steps, at the concourse, stephen chin suddenly stops. and he asks do you know that the issue is.  Now really. i may be stupid sometimes but i'm not that bloody stupid. so i tell him yah its late coming. and then he goes into a tirade. so i say okay. i'm sorry. And then he suddenly blows up and says "NO ITS NOT OKAY. IF YOU CONTINUE ON LIKE THIS YOU CAN GET OUT OF MY COLLEGE"
WTF?!
Okay honestly i was really irritated at that point. but you know. you can never beat the system. esepecially with watchdogs like him manning it. so i tilt my head down and apologize contritely, saying yes i know latecoming so often is a serious offence.
I feel so violated. And we haven't even stepped into his office.
Then he goes on about how i don't go for detention. well mr. chin, in case your thick numbskull renders you an idiot, you'd have realised from the countless times i tried to explain that i had chinese A level listening, and was REALLY sick on the other.  I have a freaking MC for god's sake. nvrmind i shan't explain to him. his brain lacks the region that is reserved for rational thought. must be considerate to the retarded.
So we continue our little stroll into his office. where he tells me. "i'm going to call your parents" as if that would invoke fear and make me grovel and tremble.  grr. whatever lah. so he calls them. and he tells me to get out of my office first. fine. so i step out of his hellhole while he prepares me for the slaughter.  And sure enough, he asks for my dad. clever thing. anyway, yeah so he goes on and on about how i'm late and can suspension (yeah i was eavesdropping outside his office), then he talks about my detention. and leaves out the glaring obvious detail that i had chinese listening.
So the terrible phone call ends. he calls me to come back in like one would beckon a dog, and then says "sit" in the same fashion.  he procceeds to tell me about how he'll send a teacher to talk to me about my schedule, feigning concern. and all this while, he signs yet another white slip delivered to him.  I nod fakely, appear contrite, and burn with hatred from inside.
so anyway, thats how my ordeal with the devil himself went. 
It took me a while to get rid of the shitty feeling. i ponned chinese to sleep it off in the library. then i talked to mel about it. and fortunately felt better. haha its a good thing to have people who listen.  its good.
okay i'll finish this sometime later.

 

 

PW has got to be the most irritating subject in the world.
Its not just a waste of time. Its so blatantly a brainwashing tool for the government to get everyone to become more "efficient" and at the same time brainlessly competitive.

Now firstly, anything examinable should never be done in groups. For obvious reasons. The whole nature of the subject it stupid, because then marks are given based on the comparison between your groupmates and your work. which if of differing standards could mean much lower marks then another group that has nearly all standardized quality of work.
Secondly, the whole artificial process of taking minutes and action done and whatnotfuckrot is utterly useless and a complete waste of time. You want an example of an diseconomy of scale? this is it. And this isn't even a big scale company yet. just a firm with 4 workers. Instilling these ideas of bureaucracy and red tape is only going to slow down "efficiency" and prevent creativity and originality. Which ironically is this is precisely what the Singapore government has been trumpeting about like crazy.
Not to mention the fact that the research we do has little, if any relevence or usefulness at that. i mean honestly. who cares about marriage and fertility. or whether the homoseksuals in the world are increasing or not. as if the average layman cannot see that, and needs a 10centimeter thick file and a 20 page written report to make it obvious.
And while this thankfully doesn't apply to me, what if you land in a group that completely cannot work together? Now i know what the teachers chant, its a mantra that goes something along the lines of 'but when you go in the real world you need to work with all sorts of people'. well. if everyone could accomodate everyone, bosses would have no need to fire employees. the fact is, some people just cannot work with others, hence they are sacked from the company, be it under the guise of inefficiency or cutting costs. perhaps PW seeks to amend that? i'm sure it does.

AH well. i'll stop the rant now. in case some government official sees this and decides to have me assasinated. i doubt they have any qualms about murdering a malaysian.

Anyway ben sold me legacy of kain today. i feel quite dumb. i asked him if it was out yet and he was like "YAH... played and DONE with it." hahaha. and i forgot what the tentacled thing's name was. cows.

Centro.  i don't dig clubbing i guess. oh well.  the music and lights are nice, (yes i know most of you you don't like trance/techno), but the whole atmosphere and the crowd. hmm.  i think i breathed in more smoke then i've ever breathed in my whole life. and the drinks are damn weak lah. and if i say they're weak they must REALLY be weak. aha. i suppose i might have danced if i managed to get abit high. but really they were quite useless.
Oh well. at least now i know what its like. will be a long while before i relive that experience i think.  especially since i owe the fund $100.  NO wonder firas is always broke.
 
Ah well. i think i'm abit tired from going out and out.  Staying at home and overheating the ps for the past two days has been pretty relaxing.  although i was suddenly hit by this notion that i was fucking up my life somewhere halfway a battle.
 
I have to get a grip. mustmust. aha uni hadri don't banish me from the new leaves! haha i'm not that corrupted that i can't turn back.  i hope.
Though seriously speaking, this mustn't go on lah.  To get 4As will prove harder than i thought.  though i nearly scraped it for econs.  Which i think if i put in more effort can lah.  But my maths has dropped back to that pre O-level period when I was failing like shit.  i mean 19/70 has proven to be a serious wake up call.  shit man. i hope kohsiewyong will be nice enough to do tution with me before promos. argh.
And lit. ridiculous. i enjoy lit, yet i fuck up my othello. and probably silas although i haven't gotten it back.   And i still enjoy prime reputation with my teachers.  fuck lah i until now still haven't read othello.
But the one that worries me most is history.  SEA. 11/25 under chengtju. whose mother lenient.  And while i admit i didn't really study, its still horrifying to see such a lousy mark.  and i don't know about pandian's essay yet.  If that one is fucked up its an indicator that i REALLY don't know whats going on.  because i thought i could grasp that. just as i thought i may have passed maths.
 
hmm. and now i realise this rambling may seem boring to you. 
but all i want to do is make a little diary.  for my close friends to see and know what i think.  maybe get responses.  but this was never meant to be for your enteratainment. 
hmmm. she has it tough man.
 

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd"
-Alexander Pope

i'm tired. this blog's turning into my little advertising ground. how silly.
Anyway i've got girl's stuff now. changwen thinks i'm more intune with these kinda things so please contact me if you want ladies' stuff. -urgh-.

Whatever it is. I guess i'm not cut out for buisness. maybe what chee said is right in a sense. i'm not firm, i tend to give in. especially to friends. i can be rather firm with strangers, but not friends. its a conflict of interest. ah well. haha maybe i'll just work in the end. should do if you ask me. all this cut-throating and bargaining with friends really gets me weary in the end. I may be too emotional for my own good.

Or i may just be trying to avoid real life again.

and technically i shouldn't be blogging this down either. since its conflict for the business. ahh whatever. i'm thinking of moving this blog. back to the days when no one knew about this place. when i could write what i wanted. fly away to a place, where i'm free to dream of stars, dive into the abyss and live it all again. without your piercing stares weighing me down.

i can't say what i want to. this has become a prison in itself. i trap my feelings in my words, and hope they don't break out.

I think i idealise too much. I create for myself a little dream world, an illusion pieced together with the shards of reality. take a step back and look at it. i said take a step back. the cracks aren't that obvious when you look from afar. only those who peer closely see how weak the glue that binds them truly is.
its in danger of falling apart. of becoming that broken mess that is reality.
Every day i discover that nothing is as it seems. and every day people tell me welcome to the real world. well honestly, i don't feel very welcomed by it. it intimidates me. leave me in my playworld where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. metaphorically speaking of course. well physically would be nice as well.

I know i'm running from reality. But why not. when This is real, why not?
reality seems more surreal than my perception. i don't think you're what you mean. at least in my dreams there's only one of all of us.

I wrote a crappy gp essay btw. i think veluri will wonder how i got what i got for gp when she sees it. metaphorically i suppose it might have been interesting, but academically speaking it was junk.

Change is the only constant.
We need to adapt to survive.
It is the law of nature.

How ironic it is that i should be eating my own words.

aha. i haven't blogged damn long. ladidum. anyway i think i'll be changing the blog music.

Ahh lets see. i think i'll bitchrantandwhine about ms MEANYA today.

I really can't stand our new CT. She's a million times worse den yeochinghunn. like a million times a million. which would make i don't know how much which is probably why i failed my maths with a big fat F. But anyway, she doesn't know how to handleour class. which is understandable i guess, since she's new and all. but then she should at least take precautions not to like anyhow make judgements. She says we don't have class spirit and all, which in a way is true, since the class is divided smack down in the middle, but that isn't to say we don't care about each other and whatever insinuations she may make. she stinks. i sure as hell hope she isn't writing our goddamned testimonials. Whats more, today i passed her this ridiculously heavy file and she just snatched it from me rudely, in a way that suggested i was dramatizing its weight. which i was lah. but whatever. i might be just petty, but only petty to people i already don't like.

aha today stank while class lasted. janahan and hadri nvr came. and den uni left 1hr20mins after i came to school. grumble. aha but at least after that was fun. haha i went with yixun to his debate training. which is fucking funneh. hahaha.

and buy my shirts. faster. i'm getting lazy. and changwen is scolding me.

aha hello
here's the link
Buy shirts here :)
haha bud if yu want to buy find me or changwen. aha thankyou

Aha hadri. stop that.
okayyy. those idiots at angelfire don't like me putting up stuff.
anyway whatever. hmmpf. what a failed attempt.

Anyway. haha i just came back lugging one humongous plastik bag of shirts. as you may have already guessed, yeah i'm selling them with changwen. aha yeah. i don't have his link yet, but i'll probably post it later, it shows all the shirts we have. aha. buy from us! haha we've got nice polo tees and shortsleeve/longsleeve shirts. all polo ralph lauren. going for much less then the price tag you see in taka. haha

Okay anyway i posted another post but blogger doesn't seem to want to show it so anyway here's the Link

oh well. hope it sells.

okay anyway. aha i've decided to try geocities instead. and change it to blurry. i have this feeling i'll run in the same problem though. it'll disappear after a while cos geocities will ban me. haiz maybe i shld give up. and hadri for the millionth time i really don't think there's a dj muthu. hahhahaha.

Aha. yay~
i've added music! :)

Aha. fan just sent me that bizarre love triangle song. the remixed one.
Normally i don't post song lyrics. But i find them especially pertinent today.

Every time i think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind

There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
While every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday

I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

Stabbing Westward - Bizarre Love Triangle

its wierd. i waslooking arnd at people's blogs. and of course talking to my friends.
We're not the only ones who suddenly feel so tired of life.
So tired of going to school. You know, i miss that feeling. When I used to like going to school. To see my friends, classmates, people i care about and i know care about me. I used to look forward, to anticipate something, that there would always be something new in store the next day. And its only now that i realise how thankful i am for that.

Everything just seems to have no point now.

No. point. All we're doing is the same as everyone. There's no purpose. We can't look forward anymore. Our goals are pointless, because they don't mean anything when we're done. We can't even measure up to silas, who weaves so that he can look forward to counting his gold, because we haven't anything to look forward to. The days keep ticking by now. And they are just that. 24 hours, 60 minutes, nothing but measurements of time, concepts we invent so that we can measure how much of our life we have gotten through.

Now its a battle between good and evil to drag ourselves to school.

(I don't know why i'm using "we".)

Exams even used to have a certain allure. even lessons. I'd look forward to rosie's lesson, even if it wasjust to see who she'd blow up at next. And that was refreshing. because rosie is direct. and what she says is what she thinks. might not be what she means in the long run, but it certainly is what she's thinking at that time. Its a refreshing breath of truth. Although it does sting sometimes.

The world's a big paradox. You can't be a bitch even if you are. And if you try not be a bitch you're a hypocrite. You interpret this as that, that as this, and get it all wrong. Because you'd never know if someone is just "being nice".

How often have we thought to have found someone
Only to find out that you're a flaw to her?

No wonder the pangs of loneliness. We all hunger for someone who isn't acting. Who genuinely likes us for who we are. Accepts our flaws and strengths. Someone we know isn't being politely cordial. Someone whom with we can truly be ourselves. And still be accepted. And it is only through rosie's kind of frankness can we see them.

But how do you truly be yourself when no one ever is? How do you open up with the fear of ridicule. How do you expose your flaws and still be accepted?

We're all fake. its just how well we do it.

One wrong move and its all over.

Is it really no wonder?
No wonder that we're tired of life as we know it?
This isn't how we were meant to live. We weren't supposed to put on smiles and faces for others.

We were meant to live for so much more.

okay that last line was cheesy. but its 1 am and there maths tmrw.

haha i thought so ken. I'm not very surprised. all that pounding HAS to have some effect on thebrain.

Anyway, aha OK FINE, today's chinese was 1-4. i thought itwas 11-3 because someONE told me that. and i woke up at 10 damn sleepy and grumbling about how i'd have to tolerate 4hrs of chinese. thank god i called changwen or i'd be stoning in school like some retard anxiously eager for chinese to start.
Speaking of which my space bar is spoilt. So excuse me if you see two words joined togetherlikethis.
So i flunked chinese most probably. aha i arrived late and the jiang laoshi was scolding me, then i went to my seat and put down my dictionary and then realised i didn't bring mycow up. haha. so i ranall the waydown to get my cow haha. oh well. not thati really cared. haha but the chief examiner or invigilator or whatever you call her wasdamn funny. hahaha.
and then we went to playpool and study. where we found interesting stuffs about chee. hahaha. cheeecheee. tsktsktsk. i tell her then you know.

Ey and i'm not bitchy. i'm just eloquently insulting.

MY dear, you aren't half as smart or cool as you think you are.
If you want to flaunt your intelligence, just make sure its your intelligence and not your stupidity you're flaunting

okay lit was half half. today i realised how rusty i am when it comes to writing essays. WHILE it didn't take me 10 minutes to boot up my brain, my essay was full of ugly carrots and inserts and please turn over to see what i inserted here kindof thing. not to mention a bunch of messy cancellations. poor marker. but i think i did my silas preettty well. as in O level standard kind of answer lah. which shouulldd pass. actually i'm quite confident THAT essay will pass lah. haha. as opposed to my othello one which was complete junk. if i were marking it (yeah i sortof read through my essay and imagined what the marker would do), i'd fail it. horribly. aha. no surprises there though.

and i'm damn irritated with tmrw's paper. chinese sucks man. sucks big time. 4 hour paper with no breaks is horrendous. worse it starts at 11, ends at 3. at the end i'll be one convulsing spastic block of ice. as if it wasn't bad enough this lit paper.

the worst part is that the time could be better devoted to diddling maths.

I am becoming stewpid-er.
must be all that pounding bass from the techno music.

I'm moderately happy.
aha cos my econs when pretty well today. i supposedly got 17 for mcq. which is really not bad. and my essay was quite okay too. wrote quite abit. although i think i meandered alittle out of point here and there.
ladida. good good left two subjects. and PC is relaxing paper so friday only need to mug maths. so left only othello to read now
EY WAIT.

got chinese.

ahahahaha. shit. aiyah nvrmind fail lah that one. only need to barely pass in A levels anyway. hahaha.

i just woke up anyway. and decided that i didn't quite want to start on econs yet. so i'm blogging now.
I am bored.
Well history was okay i guess. aha could have been worse. considering i only studied political impact for SEA history in the morning. but enough of that. i'll just hope i can pass both. cos i know i'm smoking like shite.
aha ey uni's friend is damn nice. he came all the way down from town just to teach us econs until damn late. aha. and he's damn good at it too. now i understand muchly.
ladidum. i've been wasting munny again.
cabbed down to novena to pay 6 dollars for maggi mee.
bah. i'm incoherent now. and i feel the sniffles coming.
wednesday is lit somemore. i haven't read othello.

ho-hum. CTs are tomorrow. did i mention that i haven't touched SEA history. and its 7:30 now. haha shite. die already. aiyah so much for wanting to get As in cts. haha.
aiyah crap lah. haha i thought holidays so long could catch up, then in the end still the same. anyway yeah screw CTs. promos then pia lah.

its hard to open up.
because sometimes.
people just don't care.

oh good good. i got a new fone. haha. yay. finally. i'm rid of the 3310 armor-casing-spoilt-and-dying piece of shit.

Anyway i finally watched the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. which was good. though a tad bit artsy-fartsy. But it was really good. and sweet. haha i must have looked like an idiot in the cinema. i was like smiling non stop. cos it was just so nice.

i must watch it again sometime. haha.

Eppie in de toal hole!

Could we stay like this forever