okay keith i read your poem.
which is nice. save the last line.
AND I REALLY OSO CAN WRITE POEM. i show you one day.

i keep smelling soft shell crabs and feeling like vomitting.

anyway i'm horrendously sick now. as is keith. sick as in feeling like shite~. haha because we went to eat sushi buffet today. then keith challenged me to see who can eat more. mind you this was when we'd all eaten and were about to leave. so we forced 3 chawanmushi's down each. then after that we ate 10 pieces of soft shell crabs on top of the ones we ate already. yeah. the soft shell crabs were quite torturous. haha and then we wanted to decide it a draw at the 8th one but then the bitch waiter told us the last plate was coming. and it came like 1 million years later.

Anyway i just came back. from staying over at chee's house with changwen and keith. aha yay. yah we stayed to watch sokker. not that i usually do lah. but anyway since they were betting i tot i'd just throw in 10 dollars. for the fun of it. anyway yeah we won. or so we thought. haha. i thought i had an extra 4 dollars to spend when suddenly changwen's cousin (who's doing the booking for us) tell us that the bookie didn't accept $40 bets. like wtf! after the match then you tell us?! haha i bet his cousin's eating the munny lah.

oh shit i just burped. yuckyuckyuck. soft shell crab.

speaking of backstabbing. haha. SOMEONE thinks i'm a (quote) "buaya. a pathetic one at that." arrgh! like wth! arrgh! haha i buaya meh? SERIOUSLY. hello? i'm gay! (so you said yourself). doesn't that sort of contradict each other? aiyah whatever. jc life is full of this kind of shit. i don't remember ri being such a political institution. its quite sad. in ri even if you were buaysong with someone it was usually for a while and you just shouted and yelled and maybe fight a little and then it'd be all settled. or you'd just really not care. now you ostracize the person. and if you can win enough cliques to your cause, you can succeed in obliterating the person's social life permenantly forever and ever. hmm. its quite sad.

Anyway i'll never eat another plate of soft shell crab again. for life.

Oh well. changwen sent me this. i thought it was quite sweet.

When someone breaks your heart, it teaches you that loving someone does not always mean that the person will love you back. But don't turn your back on love, because when you find the right person, the joy that one person brings you will make up for all of your past hurts. Times a thousand fold

Yay i bought the corrs album
though not as good as talk on corners.
which i still don't have. because i can't remember who i lent it to.
(which is quite long ago... about... umm. alot of years)


I wanna take you for granted
Drift while you're talking
Bathe while you're downstairs
And chat on the phone

Fall sleep before bedtime
Pass in the hallway
Forget your birthday
And shrink all your clothes

Dear god,
Ummm. i went church last sunday. again. after about eons of not attending.
Nothing's changed. I still feel out of place... In most ways i feel that i shouldn't be there. I'm not worthy in fact. I've done a lot of things i'm not proud of. Things that aren't exactly typical of catholic life. Selfish, manipulative and immoral things. And to go church and listen to them tell you how you should be a living example of christ... sorry. i can't be that. not even close. not by a long shot.
How is it even possible anyway. christ was god, that why he could do it. we're not, unfortunately. Sin is part of our daily lives, whether we want to deny it or not. Thoughts that run through your head, themselves are sins as well. And how is it possible for one to control one's thoughts? Because in denying a thought you are thinking it as well? Nevermind. this isn't the point.
Anyway, yeah thats why i don't really like to profess myself to be catholic. Or rather i dare not. The expectations that come with it are so high. Expectations i know i cannot and never will live up to. I don't want people to think i'm a hypocrite, proudly proclaiming to be christian while behaving rather questionably.

I am not worthy to receive you.

Hmm. lets see.
friday we had pw meeting then went to uni's house to bake brownies. hahaha. her brownies not bad. and i found out that i can crack eggs! hahaha. oh then after tt we played pokemon monopoly. haha. its not fair lah! i WOULD have won had uni and janahan and manya not ganged up on me. hmmpf.
Anyway then yesterdae i watched harry potty again. which i tell you is pathetic. as if once wasn't bad enough.
oh and i bought a white quiksilver belt. which is quite nice. althought cw says its a pussy-white. but i like.

oh i came back frm fishing on monday! it was DAMN FUN!!!!! i caught a mountain of fishes! n we caught a huge fish which is half the size of me!!!
staying in a disgusting kampung really made me realise how lucky everyone in s'pore is! when we actually do take our basic necessities for granted, such as a TOILET! n showers n taps.
fishing's really great! goot time to relax n think back abt everything!! it actualy helps you sort out your thoughts n set goals n such. best of all. you get a nice meal after that! haha every night we ate a lil bit of ALL the fishes we caught! leave on the boat at 8am n come back at 6pm every day. clearly tiring stuff.
i'll c if i can post the pic of my mountain of fishes!

ooh the picture on marn's blog is damn good. haha. its absolutely perfect. i think i'll go gaze at it for a while

Ahhh well. this is probably damn dampener but i've just realised how much i need to catch up on. like the whole of tarling. and assorted bits of international history. sprinkle with abit of silas marner and throw in the whole book of othello as well. i'm finished.

ANYWAYZ. haha i played mahjong at keef's hse yesteryesterday. hahaz. i didn't lose alot! =) haha only 2 dollarz. anyway yeah then i came home at midnight and forgot to get the stuff from sarah low. haha manya's going to kill me. i'm so sorrie! i'll get it from her when her camp ends or smth.

And anyway sometime before that i was studying with hadri and suwee. studying with hadri is unproductive. Very unproductive. haha. he took some book off the shelf and said he was studying for GP. and when i reminded him that gp was last last week, he promptly switched to studying PC. but i digress again. anyway, yeah i talked with suwee briefly abt hypocrisy. If you don't quite like someone, but you continue to hang out with them anyway, for whatever reasons, does that make you a hypocrite? I hope not. haha. everyone has flaws after all. does that mean you can only hang out with perfect pple to not be a hypocrite? anyway sometimes you only find out certain irritating flaws about someone after you spend a certain amount of time and devote a certain amount of energy to forging friendship with them. And while you may not like it, you can't just simply not hang out with him can you? Be it for the sake of the friendship, or even if the flaw makes him a friend not worth having, for the sake of the time spent as well. And its only human to bitch. But then bitching behind someone's back and then hanging around him would make you a hypocrite wouldn't it? Even if you don't bitch, the very harbouring of the thought that he's so irritating in front of him would make you one as well wouldn't it?

Life's so hard to live.

Oh fine it isn't a wedding dress. its a white flowing dress with many many frills.

Anyway yesterday went for rp meeting in the morning. haha. must learn how to project voice. Haiyar... i just can't seem to do it (while everyone else can). its not my fault! i'm usually so soft-spoken =P. After tt went town. watched potty with hadri and smritti and shafia and suwee. potty was quite lousy. and the dementors hardly appeared. hmmpf.
After that waited for clara for 2 hrs. ridiculous lah that woman. i called her at 4 and she was like "oh okay i'm coming down now... about 5?" then at 5 she called me and said "ey ey i'm still at home." hahaha. so i waited with manya for her until about 6 at city hall, then we went for chuin's birthday dinner. haha alv's quite sweet to plan the whole thing for her and addy. though i don't know addy. yeahz anyway the food there's good, though the stuff was expensively eyepopping. Anyway after tt we hung arnd esplanade for a while then i went home with clara. haha where we had a good chat on the bus. the world's such a small place.

don't mind me. i'm not pissed. just sad that i'll never even be able to have what you have anymore. i'm merely human being after all.

Haha as you can see i've let changwen in my blog.
i hope its not a mistake.
(not that i can't correct any of course)

AND VOTE FOR SUWEE'S MOM
haha go her blog to see how.

Anywa today i went laura's house. which is good stuff house. studied lit with yixun and andrea there, had a look at the wedding dress thingie hahaz, then had dinner. which is godly. laura's mom should open a restaurant. her cooking would thrash jack's place upside down lah. haha anyway andrea and laura were reallly hospitable, yeah after tt we watched a beautiful life den went home.
i hope my hair doesn't turn green like ken says. really. the ends are abit now though.

my first time blogging! wtf weird stuff. cheem me out. but anyway...haha silly party we went to...i shudn't haf drank so much. i alwyas drink too much. well relatively speaking aniwae since i din really consume so much as compared to others but for memyselfni ITS A DAMN LOT. i n get drunk so easily. haha shit i wondered if i really did aniting so stupid....but hey its forgivable i'm drunk afterall. stupid tim...should haf thrown him in the sea while i was drunk. its forgivable!hahaha n tt stupid owner....paid 32 buks for more alcohol...clearly unclever.

hehe but wat to do i'm pro i dunt get hangovers. it feels real goot to get all woozy n you sleep SO soundly. n the nxt morn when you wake up. you feel lyk you had a super goot sleep n you're so fresh. haha superb. i luv drinking. though its expensive.

timmy you slut... you went for free hair dye again! n it was so troublesome for her mudder! had to bleach it lyk 3 times over? n wasted so much time!!! haha i hoep its nice...after all it took them lotsa trouble. n wasted...it doesn't really represent any festive season eh?

haha i'll be going deep sea fishing tmr. hehe i'll catch fishes the size of timmy the gay fag. i hoep the sun doesn't cook me alive though... n catch many many fishes back.4 days of fishing in the open seas...pray the weather's goot n no big stormy waves

on to serious stuff! tim complains he tt he has nvr felt luved! poor him! haha complains no gal lyks him n stuff. but really he isn't all gay n pussy la! he's nice n HOT!
but seriously a rship requires lots of commitments n stuff.its nice to be luved but so much trouble involved!!!aniwae tim will prolly go find a gay n settle down wif him in the near future. HAHA

oh hello. i'm back! hehe. hangover-less fortunately.
Well the party din go as planned i guess, but nevertheless i tot i had quite a good time. haha. I was high i suppose so that couldn't be helped. Ah well.
haha people do wierd things when they're kookoo.
Dumdeedum.
Oh and i've dyed my hair. its got yellow and blue streaks. its nice! really! i think
aiyah. nvrmind
i'll edit this later later

hmm. haven't blogged in a long time.
Anyway, recent happenings include: i'm going! haha yay. thx chuin and co. AND KEITH LIM. Keith Lim who is teh King of Kings and he makes the world go round. and whoever else lah.
Also, i went shoppping. first with the b.p. den we bot a shirt... which was quite nice. haha from far east. den we sort of split and i went with hadri and met adfzar and smritti later. Den we went back to try buy the jeans but somehow it was 89. i din have that much cash so we went off to find adfzar a cap for his new hair, den i met cw and chee dey all, then we went bugis to pasar malam. where i bought a jeans and two shirts. yah but i'll probably buy the polo ralph lauren one some other day. broke already. hahaz.
And mel and chuin drew up this list. of things i hafe to do. which could be a leeeetle difficult.

Anyway if i've written stuff about this bear with me.
I think that "the man" is an outdated and piggish stereotype. Indeed, i cannot begin to fathom the reasons why it has been passed down the ages. Because while being "the man" would consist of portraying an macho image, the fact is that this is simply meant to intimidate would be predators. While indeed this would have been useful in primal cave-man times, this image has become somewhat skewed through the ages. Because now, being "the man" consists of being chauvnistic, and is made up of three things: sex booze and drugs. which is quite a sad state of affairs. Whether the booze is exquisite champagne or plain old beer, the drugs, cigars or cigarettes, the fact remains is that this is what "the man" has degenerated to. (or continued to exist as)

So is it really that ideal?

Sometimes i wish i were more eloquent. that i knew what to say to make it better. I should take courses in comforting people.

Anyway, today was nice. niceee. NICEEEE. ahaha sorrie. Went to sch late again, skipped batchelor's lesson so i wouldn't have to face him. I'm terrified of him ever since he yelled at me. Funny how an shrivelled old angmoh can instil such fear in me. Well anyway then i had a little chat with chuin on the corridors before i left for hockey. yeah thx chuin for helping. although actually don't need already. nvrmind i tell you later. haha.
then i watched hockey with cw and firas. girls play hockey is sian/2 lah. so slow paced. haha the only powerful one is the NUMBER 77 aka pauline. wah lau she's damn bao li lah. gdstuff. haha the only interesting moments were when she got the ball. Then the guys hockey was damn good. damn ci ji. and much more interesting. haha too bad dunnoe neone from hockey. hai.
haha and cw was fretting about how to comfort her. understandably. Its difficult. I wouldn't know what to say either, and after a while the brain goes dry of comforting things to say.
Anyway its late. i'll go sleep

ooh. rugby won. haha finally a victory.
tts good. this time they go from the finals happy. gratz ruggers.

Note to self: never eat at whatever chiapanese shitty buffets again. waste munny waste time.
Oh changwen and markeio and chunyat went to dye their hairs today. they cannot go to sch anymore. immediate suspension one. sure. Hahaz changwen looks remotely like a christmas tree, mark eio like lion, and chunyat i'm not quite sure. ahh but they're all quite nice. i like the christmas tree one actually. looks veri punkish. hahahaz.
I also have 1million scents on my hands. I'll never go browsing colognes with changwen again. He sprays all the potentially smelly ones on me. Thankfully not all are REALLY smelly. EXcept for the mamalemon one. which fortunately faded quite fast.

Little rant coming up. Bitching to be exact.

I don't understand. i haven't stepped on your toes, i sure as hell haven't offended you. You have no cause, no semblance of reason to show such hostility to me. Don't think you're cool and all there. You're far from it, you've a long way to go, you and your kiam-pah face. And if its simply because i would serve no benefit to you that you show such disdain towards me, well you need to grow up. Your facade betrays you for the immature and shallow creature that you need to face up to. If you have a problem speak up like the man you would like to portray yourself as. Sulking is as womanish as the very trait you despise about me.

You don't HARVEST me.
What am i. GRAIN?

OH man. did i miss my chinese a level oral exams?
i hope that oral was for cts man. hoho shitshit.

haha oh it was promos. oh well.

~my weakness caused you pain, and this song is my sorry~

I actually wrote a nice dramatic paragrah about how little i apparently mean to yixun, but i've deleted it at his request. Anyway, yixun is helping me in lit, with strings attached. But what the heck. Eching must not win.

I was talking to yihong about manipulation just now. how appropriate. But anyway, it is quite fair to say that everything is manipulation in one form or another. That buying a girl dinner is in fact trying to get her to like you. A form of bribery. OR that it portrays yourself as being able to provide for her and that you are rich.
But i hope not. I'd always thought that buying a girl dinner was simply to make her happy. And that you'd be happy seeing her happy. As simple as that.
Ah well. i guess everything is a sort of manipulation. The expression of emotions itself is a signal for people to comfort you in times of depression or disappointment, or express joy for your success and happiness.
It isn't fair to label such things with the negative connotations that the word "manipulation" has though. we all have a need to share our joys and sorrows.
Oh well.

Speaking of which, my glasses are killing me. I hope its just temporary.

Well. sickly teenage drama queen has found out that everytime is actually played on a harp. And doesn't sound as nice on the piano. rats. maybe if i push the pedal it'll sound like a harp enough.

Its time again for more rantings of a teenage drama queen.

I'm sick. and dying. here i am chair-ridden writing this blog entry so that i can tell everyone that i'm sick and dying. Just thought you should know :).
So anyway i've got a like 38.something fever and permanant nausea. And an undone eching essay. That should be handed up by tmrw. Which i cannot hand up because i won't be there.
I hope uni tells her in time. that i'm sick and unable to give her her stinking assignment. before she complains to perry again and then instigates perry to make me drop lit.
*grrr*