"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd"
-Alexander Pope

i'm tired. this blog's turning into my little advertising ground. how silly.
Anyway i've got girl's stuff now. changwen thinks i'm more intune with these kinda things so please contact me if you want ladies' stuff. -urgh-.

Whatever it is. I guess i'm not cut out for buisness. maybe what chee said is right in a sense. i'm not firm, i tend to give in. especially to friends. i can be rather firm with strangers, but not friends. its a conflict of interest. ah well. haha maybe i'll just work in the end. should do if you ask me. all this cut-throating and bargaining with friends really gets me weary in the end. I may be too emotional for my own good.

Or i may just be trying to avoid real life again.

and technically i shouldn't be blogging this down either. since its conflict for the business. ahh whatever. i'm thinking of moving this blog. back to the days when no one knew about this place. when i could write what i wanted. fly away to a place, where i'm free to dream of stars, dive into the abyss and live it all again. without your piercing stares weighing me down.

i can't say what i want to. this has become a prison in itself. i trap my feelings in my words, and hope they don't break out.

I think i idealise too much. I create for myself a little dream world, an illusion pieced together with the shards of reality. take a step back and look at it. i said take a step back. the cracks aren't that obvious when you look from afar. only those who peer closely see how weak the glue that binds them truly is.
its in danger of falling apart. of becoming that broken mess that is reality.
Every day i discover that nothing is as it seems. and every day people tell me welcome to the real world. well honestly, i don't feel very welcomed by it. it intimidates me. leave me in my playworld where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. metaphorically speaking of course. well physically would be nice as well.

I know i'm running from reality. But why not. when This is real, why not?
reality seems more surreal than my perception. i don't think you're what you mean. at least in my dreams there's only one of all of us.

I wrote a crappy gp essay btw. i think veluri will wonder how i got what i got for gp when she sees it. metaphorically i suppose it might have been interesting, but academically speaking it was junk.