I've been debating with yixun. Silly me. What was i thinking?
Anyway, yixun fervently insists that i'm like Willy in Death of a Salesman. I don't deny the resemblance of me and Willy. Its quite uncanny the way we think. But i still think that perhaps i'm not as pathetic as Willy's portrayed to be. I'm just not. Could be stubborn self-denial, but really i don't think i am. Perhaps reccently only. Because in all honesty, Willy is way more self-delusional than me. I don't think he sees the truth, that people don't quite like him. I don't think he sees that people pity him, and that they don't accept him. I think i can. I know who i'm accepted by and who i'm not. And so while our goals may be similar (i insist that getting well liked ISN'T my only goal. Just give me a little time to think of others), the difference in the end is that Willy is torn, he comes to the realisation that in actuality noone quite likes him the way he believes. That no one will really be at his funeral. Whereas I. I don't delude myself. I know i can't possibly be accepted by everybody, and I choose not to change to try and be accepted.

Anyway, another random thought that went through my mind last night was that sometimes being sucessful and accomplished isn't all that great. This may sound sourgrapish but I guess its a remmanant idea leftover from the days when i was a pious christian. The meek shall inherit the earth. The bible says that, and frankly while i don't think they'll inherit the earth, they won't have to bear the burden of holding up the sky. Success and power gets to people's heads. It induces pride, complacency, and the feeling that one is superior over others. Few can resist truly. Success and power is used as a raft to keep egos afloat. They let it get to their heads, they spend more time boasting about their deeds then actually perfecting the skill. And lastly, with such success, they are the targets of envy and jealousy. The meek on the other hand are safe. They escape the snare of those two deadly sins. And also, as they are meek, they are humble. Having naught to flaunt, they get away with mistakes, and are perhaps more hardworking in knowing that they have a long way to go. If they are able to do so without inheriting an inferiority complex, then they will indeed inherit the earth in the future. Although that could become a vicious cycle, because then that person would become successful.

And lastly. Haha me chee and fan saw two old men trying to fight on the mrt the other day. I thought it was really silly and childish actually, and i just kindof turned away. Its stupid. Their so old already. You'd think age would have instilled some sense in them. Apparently one of the old men accidently elbowed the other, and the other made a huge fuss over it and called the other a "sonofabitch", upon which the other promptly replied "fuck you!". And the really ridiculous thing was that the former after that got angry because the other used "vulgarities", "the f-word". Its hilarious. That guy has issues man. What part of "son of a bitch" isn't vulgar? Oh wait. Might be the "bitch" part.
Anyway, these bunch of malay guys went to pull them away from each other, one of them was really nice. He told the "fuck you" old man to just let it go, to "buay hiao gin". Yes he used dialect. I was impressed, at the effort by the malay to communicate with the old man (you know, the old lao ahpek kind) in his own dialect. Its really clever too, because the old man seemed to calm down alot after that, probably because he too was abit taken aback. The "sonofabitch" old man on the other hand just irritated the hell out of everyone in the train, because he was whining like a little baby about how the other used vulgarities against him, and then procceded to make a fool of himself by using racial slurs. Pathetic really. Probably a manifestation of a mid-life crisis.
Anyway, out of the train, chee said that "mats were powerful". Haha i agree with him. (mat here isn't really trying to be derogatory, its just a identification tool). If it was chinese or anyone else we'd probably just sit there and watch until it got ugly before someone stepped in. The malays that handled the situation were really diplomatic, they really knew how to manage people. Although it was quite amusing that the malay later said he felt damn "qi gek" after the "sonofabitch" one left.
What a long post.