I was going to blog something.
But I think sophia's blog says it all. It struck me that that too is how I feel. She's put it just so aptly. And its sad. You may think its presumputuous of me to say so. that the inadequacy I feel is only to be expected of my calibre.
Talking to yixun makes me feel like that too sometimes. (haha i'm not trying to make you feel guilty, i know better than to bother to attempt that). The inadequacy. That I cannot just dump maths and focus on something like lit. That considering how much I struggled against arts initially, I accepted it, but when I tried to pursue it, I fell. Providence has not favoured my performance this year. I may have very well bored my brains out in science. But I was streamed to arts, and on acceptance of that I tried to pursue the humanities, but was denied that too. Perhaps lady luck shall end her mischief with the denial of my S paper, her last grand finale. Or perhaps she shall return for an encore next year, and then I will be stuck in Singapore, doing NS as a PR, and preparing for the dismal life in NUS. The dismal possibilites are endless. It is saddening.

Who am I, so small and insignificant, to climb uphill against fate. All our hopes and struggles, they just bleed into wash. The hard work never seems worthy in the face of failure

Despair has set in. As if it wasn't enough to shatter my hopes and dreams into a million pieces, reality has to come crashing down and grind them into fine dust. Dust that will be blown away, leaving nothing but a barren empty shell.

It cannot end like this!

Ah, but it will.

She's right. Its no use musing. No one will believe me. I have, after all, consigned myself to this fate.