~you're still with me in my dreams~

oh long time since i've blogged.
Anyway i'm feeling oddly shitty with myself now. which is why i'm up at such a wierd time. doing god knows what.
I feel selfish. i'm angry with myself but i don't know why. Maybe its because i'm becoming more pretentious? hypocritical? I pretend to be able to stand people i realli don't like that much. Its tiring and draining.
Maybe i've become more critical. Noticing the flaws in people and finding it harder to accept them. Or am i just trying to find a nice way of saying superficial? I feel shallow now... and i don't know why.. but i feel somehow cheated. tired.
Don't get me wrong. Its nothing to do with anyone else. Its just me.
And chee might be going. I know its selfish of me... but i really hope he doesn't go to nj science. haha but his future's more impt i guess. yah.
Ahh i can't recall anything. I just feel so helpless now. and its wierd cos i can't exactly pinpoint why. Maybe its just the regression of my life. Going out so much, i haven't touched schoolwork for days. i'm screwing up my life. and i have none but myself to blame. I'm overspending too... shit lah what am i doing. I owe a hellot of munny everwyhere.
haha oh well something nicer. I realli like 3 doors down's here without you. acherlie i just like the "you're still with me in my dreams" part. hahaz.
Anyway maybe i'll go sleep. mull over things. resolve to drag myself out of this cesspool.