I think - Please don't laugh now.

Nah. Anyway, I think the underlying issue of every human relationship is this: Emotional dependency. All relationships are defined by the degrees of emotional dependency, not just your dependency on the other, but also his/her dependency on you. The further the disparity between the two, the more messed up the relationship tends to get, I should think.

Take the example of a mother and son/daughter relationship. Mothers, especially, are extremely emotionally dependent on their children, they confide in their children, they love their children, they understand their children in a way no other human being can, and therefore come to be inextricably affected by their actions and decisions. Yet there comes a time when the mother must realize that she must step out of her offspring's life: She cannot allow her offspring to take up so much of her heart because inevitably, the son/daughter will leave. It is a painful realization that must occur though.

It arises from the conflicts of love, as I've learned in litS. The conflicts of love, because the daughter/son will come to love himself, his friends, and his life more than his mother. One could also say that the child becomes less emotionally dependent on his mother, he finds friends to confide in, he finds partners to cuddle with, he finds acquaintances who do not demand the tiresome level of tact and understanding a mother demands as a result of her emotional dependency. Perhaps they are part of the same thing.

I'm no expert on human relationships - I don't think anyone is as well. But, if you would forgive how unqualified I am, and give in to my assertion of equating emotional dependency with love, we see how maintaing love really is a balancing act, because disparity in the dependency will eventually kill love. I would think thats why relationships go bad - When we start out we find the dependency alluring - to take care of someone for men, and to be taken care of for women. (a gross simplification, I know, but let's stick with stereotypes). But as we go along the level of dependency changes. One finds that he's always listening to the other's problems, and becomes tired of it. One finds that the other is indifferent to what he does, and decides to drift from it. One is hurt that the other doesn't show the level of care and concern he expects, and cries over it. Too much, too little, too wide a disparity in the level of dependency is probably what kills relationships - we have to adjust accordingly.

To commit too much feeling too quickly to someone is fatal, when you don't know how dependent s/he is on you. Too much will stifle him. Too little is not so much of a problem, since the other cannot expect more in return, the worst is that the other will give up hope, and if that happens you haven't exactly "lost" anything. But give him too much and he will become complacent, because as becky the wise has once wisely told me, why does the other have to commit anything when s/he already "has" you in that sense? Give exactly how much the other is prepared to give as well - that takes intelligence and perception to figure out, and alot of experience. But I'm sure I'll get it right one day.

I think I have. For now.